


Killing Me Softly

by baeconandeggs, Noirfire



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Blood, Drama, Explicit Language, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Masochist Byun Baekhyun, Oblivious Park Chanyeol, Pining, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, but also fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-18 00:18:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18975178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noirfire/pseuds/Noirfire
Summary: Nobody's perfect. Even your soulmate.Chanyeol's ego's huge. He's also oblivious.Baekhyun's heart's huge. He's also a masochist.Kyungsoo... he swears. A lot.





	Killing Me Softly

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** BAE147  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
>   
> 
> **Author's Note:** Hi guys :)) A little rambling before the story started, I fell in love with this prompt since the first time I saw it. I really want to read it as a fic and I was super happy when I knew that this prompt was successfully adopted. 
> 
> Unfortunately, on January 2019 I read that the authornim dropped this prompt, so I was thinking, should I try to claim and write it myself? Because I really love it.. so I decided to filled in the form to claim it. However, the mod said that the prompt was already readopted by someone and so I thought, 'oh thank God someone's gonna write it and I can't wait to read it later on BAE'. 
> 
> How surprised I was when I read on twitter that this prompt was being dropped again by the authornim, two weeks before the deadline. I didn't know what power that drove me to do it, but I tried to contacted the BAE mods once again and asked 'is there a way to claim this prompt?' And they said, I can have it as long as I finished it on May 6 kst.. 
> 
> So I wanna say thank you for P who pushed me so hard to be brave and took it, for giving me ideas with the story and dealing with my whines in the process. To A who had been a good listener to my panicking mode rambles. To all the mods who patiently dealing with me and my endless questions when I know they must be busy arranging the fest. To GhostMod my beta reader, thank you for your hardwork. English isn't my first language so I bet you had a hard time reading my story. I'm sorry :(
> 
> To be honest, I tried so hard to wrote this between my jobs (which I had so many overtime for the past two weeks) and every irl events that kept me busy and could only type this story through my old samsung note 5 phone. I just hope the prompter would like it. I'm sorry if it felt a little bit rushed in the end and if I couldn't do your prompt a justice. But someday, if I had time, I would probably add more details in this story about the couple that we all love. 
> 
> Last but not least, I hope you can enjoy this story. Happy reading :))

 

_You've got something I need_

_In this world full of people there's one killing me_

_And if we only die once, I wanna die with you - One Republic_

_I spent my days waiting for you_

_Searching the crowds for your face._

_I stopped breathing the moment you recognized me, as you captured_

_My soul with your gaze -_ Soulmates, Christy Ann Martine

 

......................

 

Baekhyun stared at the paints. When he left the house about an hour ago, he was dead set of buying lemon yellow paint to complete the piece he's working on, but now as he looked at the row full of shades of yellow, he wasn't so sure anymore- permanent yellow was kinda fit the piece too. Deciding what shades that would be perfect wasn't easy and he shouldn't buy both shades, it would be a total waste. He was already standing on the same aisle for the past twenty minutes now and he completely aware that the girl in the store's orange uniform looked at him funny for being completely serious and bothered because of mere paint but he could careless. It's been a while since he got a commision that paid a lot so he's gonna give his all for it.

A sudden vibration on his hand broke his train of thought of all the pros and contras of both shades, and he looked down at his phone to read a text from his friend.

 

**From: Kyungsoo**

_Tell me you're on your way home_

**From: Baekhyun**

_Give me 5 more minutes_

**From: Kyungsoo**

_You left almost an hour ago just to buy a fuckign paint im hungyr icant even text propelry_

**From: Baekhyun**

_Just eat with Chanyeol first, consider I'm on my way_

**From: Kyungsoo**

_That dickhead doctor said to eat without him and he'll bring a friend home. Meh what friend.. must be another one night stand. I swear he's working hard but play harder thst kid_

◇

 

Baekhyun decided to ignore that last one and stuffed the phone into his jeans' pocket. He must go home fast before Chanyeol arrived. No need to think anymore, any yellow shade would do good, if it's not, he's just going to mix it with other color until it fit the piece perfectly.

 

..................

 

"Wow, that was fast," Baekhyun heard his flatmate said as he kicked his shoes open. "Because when you said five minutes, it usually meant at least half an hour,"

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "You said you were hungry, so I ran home. Chanyeol?"

"I'm _almost_ flattered," Kyungsoo said while opening up some boxes from chinese take out, "and he's not here yet because he was just arrived on the restaurant for a dinner date when he texted me, why?"

The petite artist visibly went relax when he heard the answer. That means he had enough time to have a peaceful dinner with Kyungsoo before he could retreat back into his safe haven and get tortured silently, where no one could see. "Nothing. Let's just eat before it gets cold,"

 

 

_Hurt._

_It really hurts._

It's the only thing he could feel since he turned 18 many years ago. They were supposed to find their soulmates as they reached that age. A special sign only meant for the pair would appear on the body, where it placed though, would be varied. Baekhyun's little yellow star appeared on his right inner thigh. He was very excited when he got his permanent soulmate sign and he couldn't wait to meet his only one. His dream of beautiful relationship like his parents had soon turned into nightmare though, when he felt hurt on his chest at random times. Sometimes it was light and only went on for minutes to hours. But sometimes it would hurt so much to the point he felt like his whole body was torned apart and he have to be hospitalized for days but they dismissed it as fatigue.

He freaked out when he got randomly fainted at school, and to be honest he thought his life's over even before it get started. He would die even before he could meet his soulmate. He's terminally ill and the doctor would say he only have several months or even days. Young Baekhyun didn't tell his parents. He decided to go to the hospital alone and getting check up on his condition. He couldn't forget the internist's face when he told him that Baekhyun should go meet the soulmate specialist instead.

 

He knew by then, that his soulmate was probably having the time of their life with somebody else. He just didn't know who they were, yet.

 

'Soulmate seizures' they called it. The concatenation of (severe) pains that Baekhyun felt at random times. He remembered what his mom said when he turned 18, _"Fate has set us all with our mates. You could never run from it. Because even if you dare to try, your soulmate would be the one who get punished and in the end it will hurt you too. So, listen to me, my dear, love and fidelity is the key to a happy life. Always be faithful to your soulmate, love them with your soul,"._ As much as it hurts to think about it, moreover when he's enduring the physical pain through every seizure, ranging from severe headache to heartache and torned skin, it killed him even more when he realized that his soulmate's infidelity was what did this to him.

Just like now, it hurts. It hurts to the point crying was only make it even worse. It hurts just to breathe, as the oxygen that supposed to keep human alive entering the lungs, felt like it was burning him from the inside instead. It also felt like someone stabbing his heart repeatedly, but maybe this one only existed in his head, the fruit of years of one sided love to someone who oblivious.  _'How to end this? How to end all this pain?'_

Baekhyun heard someone knocking on his door. It must be Kyungsoo, because Chanyeol must be _busy_. His friend was saying something from behind the door, but Baekhyun didn't understand what he said, he couldn't hear it properly over his pain. But he knew, Kyungsoo would left him alone soon, thinking that Baekhyun must be too drowned in his own muse and art to acknowledge his surrounding, it was the perks of being the only artist in the house. They always think when Baekhyun couldn't be reach, it was because he was doing his art.

Baekhyun learnt how to survive living under the same roof with his own oblivious soulmate in a hard way. 20% by pretending he didn't care to anything other than his own art and 80% by masking all his injuries as the sign of mere fatigue because of excessive painting and got oversized hoodies as wardrobe. Baekhyun sweats a lot, enduring the pain really need a lot of energy. He was thankful to Kyungsoo (always), because eventhough the petite elementary teacher didn't aware, he often gave Baekhyun a favor. Like tonight, his text saved the blond artist from getting 'soulmate seizure' outside the house. He had enough time to run home, eat, and expecting the pain that would surely come in the confine of his own room.

Still, he would need a long and cold shower early in the morning so he could at least looked like 'human' at breakfast time instead of a piece of lifeless beaten meat.

 

..................

Baekhyun thought he was the first person who woke up that morning, but turned out Kyungsoo beat him to it. The young teacher was cooking kimchie fried rice while preparing coffee when Baekhyun entered the kitchen.

"Morning,"

Baekhyun only nodded, his throat feels like Sahara at the moment from all the pain he endured last night. His only mistake was forgetting to take a glass of water with him before he went hiding in his room.

"Want some?" Kyungsoo asked as he was preparing a plate full of rice, Baekhyun felt like he needed another good meal before his appointment today so he nodded again. "Coffee?" And Baekhyun really thought that his friend really deserves a hug but if he do that, Kyungsoo would probably kick his ass. Kyungsoo was the person who made him stay sane and probably alive at this moment.

"Yes please," he croaked out a reply.

"Wow, you sounds like you have a rough night instead of me, Baek," a third voice suddenly joined the peaceful morning. It was deep and melting Baekhyun's inside as usual. The chair beside him was pulled out and there sat Baekhyun's source of agony in his six pack glory and a hundred watt of smiles. To be honest, it was way too blinding for a monday morning smile. "I want coffee too, Soo. I really need a good coffee to start another beautiful day,"

The smallest man in the room hissed, " _Beautiful day_ my ass,  you should know that every normal people need a good rest on sunday night before they started the first day of the week, _Chanyeol._ You should at least lessen your wild excapades on Sunday," Kyungsoo grumbled, but he still poured a good cup of coffee for the dentist who had goofy grin plastered on his face. "Speaking of ass, did you kick theirs like at 4am after you done doing the deeds? I heard someone walked in front of my room door and they sounded pretty pissed because they stomped like an elephant,"

Baekhyun saw Chanyeol shrugged then sipped his coffee. He didn't feel like he wanted to get involved in this conversation about Chanyeol's one night stand because it only add a pain twist to his physical pains that he try so hard to hide under the huge black hoodie and his blank face, "Told her I got a morning shift. Not my problem if she's sleepy. She can sleep anywhere but not in my room. I need at least 2 hours worth of sleep before going to work today,"

"Sometimes I fell sorry for your soulmate, wherever they are now. They must be suffering a lot because you couldn't keep your dick to yourself," Kyungsoo shook his head and was about to have his first spoon of breakfast when Baekhyun choked on his coffee.

It was Chanyeol who reached his shoulder in a jify while Kyungsoo's eyes widened with worry from across the table, the giant sat beside him anyway. He's rubbing Baekhyun's back with a concern face, while Kyungsoo pour him a cup of water, "Careful, Baek. The coffee's still hot,"

No. It wasn't the coffee. Baekhyun coughed violently and his eyes watered because of his own mistake. No one in this room know who was the soulmate that Kyungsoo slightly mentioned when he scolded Chanyeol, and it better stayed that way. Even if it would kill him someday.  But then, even after minutes and Baekhyun's coughed ceased to almost stop, the soft caresses from the giant hand along his small back never left. It almost felt like a feeble antidote of what he gave Baekhyun last night.

Baekhyun whined a little when the warm hand finally left his back, but he disguised it as a groaned while receiving the water that Kyungsoo got for him. "Slow down, Baek. You're not in a hurry, don't you? Where are you going this early anyway?"

"I have an appointment with someone but before that I want to get some strawberry milk tea,"

"Oh! In your favorite small cafe? I can take you there, it's right across the hospital, right?" Chanyeol butted in. He's back to drinking his coffee but refusing the fried rice.

"You should at least eat the fried rice a little, dickhead. You'll get gastritis if you only drink coffee," Kyungsoo frowned.

"I'm gonna get a muffin or something in that cafe with Baekhyunnie later, mom. Do not worry about me. Let me take a shower first then we'll go, ok Baek?"

"Sure. Take your time," Baekhyun shrugged nonchalantly.

 

 

"So, how's your commision going? I heard you went to the art store yesterday to pick up some paint but Kyungsoo said you were  gone too long," Chanyeol asked as soon as they left home. They were riding in Chanyeol's car. He's the only one among the three who already had car despite only graduated as a dentist around one year ago. Clearly, Kyungsoo's income as teacher and Baekhyun's income as an independent artist only enough to pay rent and food monthly, at least for now.

"It's fine. I'm almost done because I used acryilic paint instead of oil,"

"Ah, it's different? Sorry because I don't really know," Chanyeol asked with his wide eyes that turned even wider it almost looked comical.

Baekhyun chuckled, "It's ok. It's not like I understand anything related to tooth either. But yeah, acrylic paint can dry faster, while oil takes months. I choose acrylic so I can get my paycheck sooner,"

"Right," the taller one nodded as if this piece of information is important to him while Baekhyun knew he was just being nice.

"Speaking of Kyungsoo, he said you have a new date last night, care to share?" It's not like Baekhyun wanted to gossip, he just wanted to know who's the person who made him living his nightmare last night.

"A girl from my favorite tattoo parlor. You know, the usual place I go to when I want to make tattoos. She's one of the artist there,"

"You got a new one?" Baekhyun couldn't hide his surprise as he was shamelessly checking Chanyeol's visible body part for a fresh bandage.

Chanyeol must be feeling that, that's why he smirked when he turned the car into the hospital parking lot, "No, I didn't. Yet. But I want to, and I'm still thinking for the design. Anyway, we're here,"

Baekhyun waited as Chanyeol reporting for his shift. They both then went to the little cafe right across the hospital. It was a very comfortable cafe, a petite one, but very warm and nice. The air smelled a lot like coffee and fresh pastries. Baekhyun chose to sat on one of the comfortable maroon sofa with small pillows at the back of the cafe while waiting for his strawberry milk tea (actually, he was also waiting for someone there but Chanyeol didn't have to know) and watched the giant cassanova trying to charm his way to the baristas.

The taller went first because his shift was about to start while Baekhyun said he was still waiting for his pastry order. Chanyeol left with a choco muffin and one of the barista's number written on the tissue, but not before telling Baekhyun to be careful on his way back and how he really wished he could drove him home instead while patting Baekhyun's fluffy blond hair fondly, which Baekhyun replied with a weak"-but I'm the hyung here-" and even weaker "asshole,".

 

Thankfully, Baekhyun didn't have to wait for too long because around 10 minutes after that, a young and very handsome man came into the cafe and took a seat before Baekhyun. His smile was very charming and calming at the same time.

"Hi, Baekhyun. How are you?"

"I wish I could say I'm fine dr. Kim, but I didn't," the smaller one answered while watching his sweaty glass of milk tea on the table.

The charming smile soon turned into a concern expression, "What's wrong? Did you just get seizures?"

Baekhyun felt the older's gaze on the top of his head because he was looking down, didn't want to see dr. Kim's eyes, afraid of the judging stare that he would be getting, eventhough he knew that dr. Kim would never do that, "I won't be calling you if that's not the case,"

It was silence for a while, as if the doctor was thinking about something. Finally he said, "Lets go to the hospital to check you up,"

Baekhyun shook his head, his whole body also got tense. Clearly, he was refusing to go with his whole being, "You know I can't go there. Chanyeol is having his morning shift. This is why we always went here. I'm thankful that you always accepting my weird request to have consultation out side, I can't afford to meet him there. I wouldn't know what to say,"

"The hospital is huge and our departments were on different level and wings. He must be busy anyway so you wouldn't coincidentally met him or something,"

Baekhyun knew that he was being stubborn and difficult to this kind doctor, but he really didn't want to go to the hospital when Chanyeol's  there, "Can't you just prescribe me some headache medicine? It was the splitting head that I couldn't stand, I already took care of all the wounds on the skin, it's not that deep anyway,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. It's nothing compare to what happened that _winter_ years ago, so please?"

Dr. Kim was trying to hold his gaze and Baekhyun wouldn't give up. He was going to win this staring contest if it means he wouldn't have to go to the hospital, "Why don't you just tell Chanyeol who you are?"

Baekhyun bit his lips. He didn't want to answer because by doing that, it hurt him almost the same as when he got the seizures, if not more.

 

 

_Because he didn't want me._

.....................

 

_Hurt._

It really hurts.

Tonight, it was the barista from the cafe. How can he do this everytime without thinking about his soulmate? It's not like he wouldn't know because parents and schools would fill your brain with every information about soulmates. Soulmate was not an overnight thing, it was part of their live since forever, but how could he?

 

Baekhyun watched as the cut started to show up as if he's using knife himself to split his skin open. He couldn't really ignore the splitting headache that slowly but surely building up inside his skull. _'What did they do that inducing this kind of ugly things to his body?'_

 

Tonight, he's trying to be numb. He would try to ignore the dripping blood from his arm. It hurt, yes, but he would not succumb to it and cry. What could he do to cover the pain when even sitting on his bed make him wanna puke? What would he do when it took all his will power not to groaned when lifting his arm made the stabbing felt even worse? Baekhyun closed his eyes. His mind tried to go somewhere else where there's no pain, to the place before all this torture began, the time when he was 17.

 

_It was one of the warm day. Baekhyun promised to met his friends on the school cafetaria because he had to stay back in the class, sorting his books. Something that he had to do since days ago, but he just that lazy and his friends were just that hungry so they left first. He was squating down while searched his drawer when a soft 'excuse me' reached his ears. It was so soft he almost thought he imagined it if not for a pair of pink sneakers and legs stood near his feet._

_"Yes?"_

_"Uhm, did you- excuse me, did you see a green pencil sharpener?"_

_"A what?" Baekhyun frowned. This girl must be one of the junior. She looked timid._

_"A pencil sharpener. Green,"_

_Baekhyun shooked his head, "I'm sorry. I didn't see any sharpener,"_

_"Please check your drawer once again, it must be there,"_

_This girl was so persistent. Baekhyun really didn't see it in the drawer, he just checked it and there's nothing except some of his books and trash papers that either belong to him or any junior who he shared this table with. "Is this your seat too? I promise I will put it in the drawer if I found it,"_

_"Uh, ok. I'm sorry for bothering you,"_

_Baekhyun stood up and took his backpack with him, "ok," he smiled before leaving the class and the girl._

_About three days after, Baekhyun found an anonymous note in his drawer. The note asked about the still missing green pencil sharpener. Baekhyun rolled his eyes, that girl  was really persistent about her missing sharpener. She should have keep it carefully if it was really important for her. But turned out, Baekhyun was the one who wrong here because the owner of that sharpener was actually a boy. A very lanky and tall boy who wore glasses and had a deep voice._

_How did Baekhyun know about this? He decided to stay one day, wanted to meet the girl and explained to her once again that, no, he didn't take her sharpener and no, he didn't ever see it so she could stop sending him notes everyday. How bemused he was when the one who sat on the same seat as him was actually a boy, who apologized to him (for raining Baekhyun with letters) shyly, with a very manly deep voice, right hand rubbing his neck, and cute wide ears reddened._

_They learned each other names by then. Park Chanyeol. Even his name was beautiful. Though, instead of completely stopping his notes, Park Chanyeol, who was one year younger, kept sending him ones but now just to asked how Baekhyun's doing and whining about his own days. They became friends because of that. And through those notes (which soon turned into letters because they wrote so much more) too, Baekhyun experienced his first little twisted pain in his heart when he learned that the girl who approached him back then was actually Chanyeol's girlfriend, Hyeran. The pain was more weird than hurt. Why did Baekhyun had to feel something like that because of Chanyeol? The younger one was kind, bright, funny (even in his letters), his wide eyes and wide ears kinda cute and his smile was blinding, but that's not the reason Baekhyun felt weird everytime Chanyeol talked about Hyeran._

_They talked in phone too, through simple text or calls but never actually met in person because their different schedule and they both think it wasn't important to see each other as long they still can talk, either through letters or through phone. One day, on a casual phone call, Chanyeol suddenly talk about Hyeran._

_"You know why I date her?"_

_"Because she's pretty, nice, and a tall lamp post like you?" Baekhyun joked._

_Chanyeol chuckled at his answer. His deep vibration sent a shiver through Baekhyun's spine and he didn't even know why, "Because, I want to live my life the way I want to before I had to surrender to fate. I want to be with someone who **I** choose, not because of fate said so,"_

_"That's deep. But what if you turned 18 and you still can't let her go?"_

_"We'll see that later. She'll probably get herself a soulmate too, but if she's willing to stay with me, then I'll fight my best for our relationship. My soulmate would probably understand if I told them nicely that I couldn't be with someone who I didn't love,"_

_Baekhyun answered nothing and they changed topic to something silly, laughing together as if they didn't just talk about something deep as fate or soulmate._

_The next time they met each other was on Baekhyun's birthday. He invited the younger one because after all, they already became friends since months ago. In the morning when Baekhyun woke up, hours before the small gathering that he himself arranged for his closed circle, he was excited to see his own soulmate sign, what would he get, what color, where would it appear. He immediately checked his arms and legs, whatever part of his body where his eyes could see with clothes on. But when he saw nothing, even on his neck and his palms, he decided to go to the bathroom, took his clothes off and check out his own skinny body. Everything around his torso is clean, he even looked at his own back with mirror but there's nothing. To be honest he was almost afraid of being a 'mateless'. Mateless were people who didn't have any sign on their birthday and hence, had no mate for the rest of their lives. Most probable reason was because their mate was already dead but scientists also said there might be other reasons though they still doing their best to find out what._ Mateless was as rare as people with soulmate seizure, but they existed.

_His mom had the soulmate sign on the back of her right ear while his dad got his sign on his left toe. Those places were too weird, it was easy to missed signs on it. So, Baekhyun tried to searched on some weird, unusual, and hidden places too for his sign. And he found it. A small yellow star on his right inner thigh. It was cute and he loved it so much. It's the sign of his true love anyway. He treasured it so much eventhough it was hidden and he couldn't flaunt it to anyone. It make the sign even more precious because the first and only one who could see it would probably his soulmate._

_That day, Kyungsoo was the first one who arrived. The backyard was already filled with Baekhyun's friends from school when the tall boy and his girlfriend arrived. The guests, they brought presents but what really made Baekhyun happy was when he saw Chanyeol walked through the fence. Knowing that the younger one was here made him felt happy he thought he could fly like a kite. Looking at Hyeran standing beside him with sweet smile though, was almost enough to pull his string back down to earth. Through the day of his 18th birthday, Baekhyun felt his emotions were like roller coaster and amplified 100 times. One moment he could be extremely happy and other moment he could felt the pain as if his heart was stabbed by a knife and he had to kneeled down to control it. He never experienced something like that before. This is different from the usual weird or tingling feeling. This one's hurt. Thank god it was only Kyungsoo who saw him suddenly fell on his knees because they were both were in the kitchen to take more drinks. When they were back at the backyard, Baekhyun saw Chanyeol and Hyeran just reemerging from behind the bushes and both their faces looked red and they had that naughty grins plastered on their faces. Baekhyun felt like his heart being stabbed by something small, probably a pocket knife size, when he saw the couple holding hands. And that time, while rubbing his throbbing chest, Baekhyun still didn't know why._

 

Baekhyun opened his eyes.  He was back in his own room and the pain was decreasing, slowly, but sure. Maybe Chanyeol was finally done with that handsome barista. Maybe now they were cuddling after tonight session. No one know what will happened with this one, it's either Chanyeol completely done and then sent him away immediately, or they would met a couple of times more and who knows if this one could last. Baekhyun felt sick just thinking about it and what would happened to him if they last. For now, he's just extremely drained from all the pains. He didn't even bothered to changed the sweaty shirts and moved from the bloody blanket. He's just that tired and so, he closed his eyes and wished for a dreamless night.

........

 

It was a friday night, two weeks after his last soulmate seizures, and Baekhyun just stayed at home, nothing new about that. Kyungsoo joined him too because he's done marking his students exam and straightly refused other appointment from his teacher colleagues to go out, saying he's dead tired and rather stay at home. What's unusual though, for Chanyeol to joined them sprawling on one of the couch in the living room. They were watching harry potter movies for nobody knew how many times, they lost count already, especially Baekhyun who was the hermit of the house.

"This scene really made me sad," Kyungsoo said as the part where Dobby's dead was playing on the screen, "he reminds me of you a lot, Chanyeol,"

"Potter?" Chanyel hummed while playing with the popcorn in the bowl on his lap.

"What do you mean? Of course, Dobby. Don't flattered yourself too much, Park,"

"Ha. Ha. The last time someone called me that, it was in highschool, Kreacher,"

Baekhyun snorted. His friends were being silly and he loved it. He missed those times when they all watching together, discussing about the plot or the charactes over chicken and beer, and salted caramel popcorn of course. It felt so long ago when their friday movie nights really stopped only about 2 years ago when they started graduated from college one by one and started being busy with their new jobs and new sets of friends from work.

"Yea, that was a fun time. I enjoyed calling you Dobby and Yoda all the time," Baekhyun laughed burst out when Chanyeol started throwing Kyungsoo with popcorns, "Hey, but it wasn't me who invented those names. It was Baekhyun! He deserved your grevel like popcorn, you dumbshit,"

Baekhyun paused his laughed when everyone's eyes, especially that wide piercing eyes zeroed in on him, "Wha- but I didn't-"

"No one's gonna buy your petty excuses, Baekhyunnie. Prepare for your long delayed punishment from me," Baekhyun's eyes widened and he was gulping hard as he watched Chanyeol put the popcorn bowl aside and starting to come at him. Without any warning, the tallest of the three launched himself to a still shocked Baekhyun. He was too shocked to even move and the younger who wasn't a lanky boy anymore (and also so much bigger than him because he started to diligently working out since college days), swiftly hovered over him, his long legs and broad shoulder trapping Baekhyun like a cage.

The hands that coming on his torso were huge. Its thick fingers fondled every nooks of his body without mercy. _Chanyeol_ , was tickling him without mercy. Baekhyun was laughing so hard, it seemed like long time ago when he last tasted such 'fun'. He made a mistake when he looked at Chanyeol in the eyes, thinking that the younger one was closing his eyes as he laughed so freaking hard the pillows on the couch shook with his whole body. Chanyeol was looking straight at him. His eyes soft, cheeks pinked (was he blushing? Was that a blush?), plump lips smiled the most gentle smile Baekhyun rarely saw on Chanyeol. It was like the time stopped, and they were trapped in each other's soul, connected. Or maybe it was only Baekhyun's imagination because the moment Chanyeol blinked, he turned sober and lifted himself up from Baekhyun just like that. Baekhyun's excitement died along the lone tear that fell from his eyes, it could be from the short mirth or pain (because what was that? Was that a rejection?), he didn't know. His eyes catched Kyungsoo's next, who was actually staring at him weirdly but he just shrugged to make his friend let it go.

They both watched as Chanyeol excused himself to get some soda in the kitchen. Kyungsoo cleared his throat, "Thought you guys love bird, forget that I'm fucking here too,"

"You want to be tickled to death too, Soo?"  Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

"You know that's not what I mean,"

Baekhyun decided to just ignored that one, acting like he didn't get what Kyungsoo mean either. He was glad though when Kyungsoo dropped that topic completely and act as his usual grumpy flatmate when Chanyeol's back with his coke and a cider for Baekhyun.

"You didn't get anything for me, you asshole,"

"Well, you didn't ask,"

"Neither did Baekhyun,"

"But I knew that Baekhyunnie must be thirsty. That was the hardest laugh I've ever heard from him,"

Baekhyun knew Kyungsoo was fed up when he just threw some popcorn at Chanyeol, mouthing _'whipped!'_   under his breath, and went back focusing to the movie.

 

.........................

 

"You're the only one who were completely fine this morning when you're actually the one who drank the most last night, what is this fucking sorcery? How come you never get sick, Park Chanyeol?" Kyungsoo asked randomly when they had their korean style brunch the next day. The boys were having some kimchie pancake and seaweed soup. They were all nursing their moderate hungover level from last night, except Chanyeol.

The youngest shrugged and when he did that, his broad shoulder touched Baekhyun's smaller one, "I guess I'm just a healthy kid since I was a kid,"

"Come to think of it, I never saw you got physical pain ever, either. Your soulmate must be a monk or something," Kyungsoo groaned, "I mean, you inflicted them so much pain probably enough for life when you're 'playing around', but they did nothing as a revenge," Baekhyun knew those sentences were added by Kyungsoo almost without thinking but it still struck something in him. He looked at Chanyeol to see his respond but the taller one was kept quiet as if he was thinking about something.

"Maybe he's someone like Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol finally answered and Baekhyun knew how silly he was for taking that literally. His stupid heart was racing inside his chest when Chanyeol just did as far as using his name and the word 'soulmate' in the same sentence. His heart beating for that tall man anyway, so he couldn't really blame it. "I mean, you never introduce or talk about your soulmate to us and we never saw you meeting someone either," he was directing his last words to Baekhyun while munching some kimchies.

"He's different. Leave him alone," Kyungsoo muttered under his breath.

"How was he different? Don't you curious about it too?"

Baekhyun sighed, "My soulmate is off limit, Chanyeol. Get off of his ass,"

"Oh, it's a HE. I don't even know whether my soulmate is a she or a he. Whichever wasn't a problem for me anyway but how come you never talked about him before?"

"Because he's classified," this time, Kyungsoo answered for him.

"Really? Is he an artist or famous person who didn't want to exposed his own relationship with Baekhyunnie? Who's this asshole I want to see his face,"

 _'It's you. You're the asshole.'_ Baekhyun really wanted to gave Chanyeol a mirror so he could see his own oblivious ugly face. Except, Baekhyun didn't dare to do it and Chanyeol wasn't ugly. He's just dense and Baekhyun wanted to roundhouse kick his face and then kissed him better. Honestly, there're so many things that Baekhyun wanted to do to Chanyeol, but confessing wasn't one of it.

"He's just a regular man, Chanyeol," Baekhyun's head started to throbbing in pain because how come he suddenly became the topic for their brunch?

"Did you know anything about this, Kyungsoo?" Chanyeol at this point looked a little bit like a mad man and then turned to Baekhyun and his expression turned into a kicked puppy in a jify, "How could you do this to me, Baekhyunnie?"

"Just because, Chanyeol. And no, Kyungsoo's no different than you. I told him nothing,"

"Wrong. I'm different than Chanyeol, because unlike him, I'm smart,"

"Are you implying that I'm stupid, Do Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo shrugged and Chanyeol took it as it is, that yes, Chanyeol's stupid. But the stare that Kyungsoo gave Baekhyun after that, made Baekhyun think that Kyungsoo might know something and that he meant something else with his answer to Chanyeol.

 

.........................

 

"Looking for some muse for your art?"

Baekhyun was sitting on the window seal of their flat. It was part of the living room and his favorite place. You could find him perched in there with sketch book in hand, ballad songs from his phone and dark chocolate milk as the companion, especially on rainy days. But really, you could find him there most of the days when he's not being a hermit and holled up in his room, usually trying to finish his commisions that already near its deadline. Actually, that was what Baekhyun wanted people to think about him when in reality, he was probably nursing his injuries and his body to at least an _okay_ condition before he could stepping out of his room (because obviously, there was only one major reason why Baekhyun hide himself in the room for certain time: so his flatmates, especially Chanyeol, didn't see when he got the soulmate seizures).

"Kinda," Baekhyun smiled when he heard that voice. Always deep and sultry. Without even looking, he knew who was standing behind him, especially when a plate of strawberries and chocopie suddenly appeared beside his choco drink.

"I'm sorry for what happened at brunch. I'm not supposed to imposing myself on your life or soulmate. I was just... curious," Baekhyun stole a short glance over his shoulder and he saw Chanyeol's particular gesture when he felt nervous or guilty of something, he rubbed the back of his neck.

The petite guy cackled, "It's fine, Chanyeol. No problem," How could he ever mad at this precious guy? He would never.

Chanyeol must thought that as an _okay_ sign for him to proceed and took a seat near Baekhyun because that's exactly what he did next. He pushed some boxes on Baekhyun's sides and sat on it. "What are you doing?"

"Look at this," Baekhyun pointed to the letters in one of the boxes, "Did you recognize it?"

Chanyeol took one of the letters from the box. It was obvious from his face that he recognize his own writing on it, "These were our notes and letters from high school, you still kept it?"

Baekhyun just smiled. Of course he kept it. It's the note and letters from Chanyeol, so it's precious, "You drew a lot of silly things on it. It's funny to look at. Like this one, was this a godzilla?"

The giant one squinted his wide eyes comically then laughed out loud, "Yes, it is! I got a very bad mark on chemistry that day I wanna wreck the whole town.. like a godzilla,"

"It's entertaining to reread all these messages when you had a bad day," Baekhyun said while looking at the window. A lone leaf fell from the tree on the side of the street. When it touched the ground, a man carelessly stepped on it and made a crunchy sound. It somehow made Baekhyun turned gloomy again. He loved fall, always chose it over the other seasons. It made him felt serene to watch the orange and brown leaves but sometimes on rare days it also made him felt lonely when the dry leaves fell one by one to the earth. Baekhyun also loved it because of the weather and temperature, sometimes it got too cold at night but most of the time, it's the perfect wheather to drink hot chocolate all day without having to felt guilty.

"What happened? Was it the commision? It didn't work well?"

Baekhyun shrugged, "Yes, it was one of the reasons but I think it's just the whole life or maybe the weather,"

Chanyeol didn't immediately reply. It took him a second or five to finally answered, "Do you- do you want to talk about it?"

"Nah, I'm fine," Baekhyun finally looked at the concerned male beside him. A very beautiful giant boy who he already had feelings for since high school, but couldn't even talk about it. "Some random house elf gave me a plate of sweets to make my day better, anyway. So, I'm good,"

"Did you call me Dobby, but indirectly?"

"Probably,"

"I hate you," the giant elf pouted.

"Really?"

"No. I _love_ you because you're my hyung and I don't want to see you gloomy like that anymore,"

 

And there it went, another piece of Baekhyun's heart was taken by Chanyeol, only to be crushed by the younger who didn't even want it. This was another reason why autumn was special to Baekhyun. Because the dry leaves, reminded him a lot of his heart.

 

 

..............................

 

That day, Chanyeol was supposed to have an evening shift in the hospital. Baekhyun expected him to came back home at 9pm but he was surprised when someone knocked on the door at around 8pm and found Chanyeol standing before him.

"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be at work now? And why are you knocking? Did you lost the key?"

"I'll answer that later in the car, for now, go grab your jacket and wear your shoes, we're going somewhere,"

Baekhyun frowned, "Where?" He echoed part of the last word that Chanyeol said.

"Somewhere beautiful. Just, trust me and hurry up,"

Baekhyun didn't really have time to reject the invitation because Chanyeol was literally helped him dress warmly instead, while ignoring Baekhyun's whining of not wanting to go out because he had commision to work on. He then literally threw Baekhyun in to the passenger seat of his car and drove away.

"Where are we going? Kyungsoo would be worry if he arrived home and I wasn't there,"

Chanyeol rolled his eyes as his respond and started calling someone on his mobile phone. "Kyungsoo? Yes, I took Baekhyunnie somewhere with me so don't wait for us, we will come home late... what?" Baekhyun saw Chanyeol rolled his eyes again, sooner or later, those eyeballs of his would stucked permanently on the back of his head if he kept doing that, "Sure, mom. You're on speaker now," Chanyeol pushed the speaker button and soon Kyungsoo's deep voice was heard inside the confine of Chanyeol's car.

_"Baek?"_

"Yes?"

_"Call me if Chanyeol do something stupid so I can come and kill him personally,"_

Baekhyun smiled, "Sure mom,"

_"Don't forget to eat and if Chanyeol take you to dinner, please order the most expensive ones so that brat could suffered. Well at least his wallet should suffer,"_

"Go enjoy your date, old man. You're grumpy when you're lack of Jongin," Chanyeol chuckled and hung up the phone before Kyungsoo could answered. "Now that's done then let's focus on our 'date' instead,"

Baekhyun scoffed, "How is this a _date_ when you're kidnapping me? You didn't even bring flowers,"

Chanyeol pouted so hard but he still looked adorable in Baekhyun's eyes, "You're hard to please, Baekhyunnie,"

"Because I have a very high standard," Baekhyun smirked.

The younger one glanced at Baekhyun then smiled adoringly. This was the kind of smile that always made Baekhyun had a hope for Chanyeol to at least have some feelings back for him, but maybe he smiled like this too to his other friends, because that's just how Chanyeol was. So handsome and kind. A charmer who could make anyone fall for him- have soulmates or not, they all might want to try to win a piece of him at least once. How dare Baekhyun think highly about himself. "Your soulmate, whoever they are, would be so lucky to have you. They have to take a better care of you, but I'm sure you'll make his hard work worth it, won't you?"

That's funny because Chanyeol sounded almost bitter, but maybe it only existed in Baekhyun's mind. It made him think though, did he sounded bitter all this time they talked about Chanyeol's partner too? Did he conceal his feeling perfectly or did he looked pathetic and full of jealousy? Because one thing Baekhyun realized years ago, he already like (maybe at this point, _love_ him to the point he'll go crazy) Chanyeol since highschool days... even before he knew who his soulmate was.

"We're here," Chanyeol's excited voice cut his train of toughts.

Baekhyun looked around and sighed in disbelieve when he saw his least but familiar humongous building, "The hospital?"

The dentist nodded, "My work place,"

"Why? Do you think I have cavities?" Baekhyun frowned because seriously, why the heck Chanyeol brought him to his workplace? It's not like there's something they could do in hospital... and Baekhyun tensed. Did- did Chanyeol knew about dr. Kim? Did they meet each other? Did.. did he-

Thank God they already parked because Park Chanyeol suddenly laughed out loud, uncontrollable while hitting the steer and Baekhyun's shoulder. Baekhyun's face went blank because this wasn't the reaction that he expected from Chanyeol from the scenarios that he imagined inside his head.

"Sorry, but I just-" he choked. "You're so cute, Baekhyunnie. So adorable and precious," Baekhyun didn't realize when Chanyeol opened his own seat belt, but obviously he already did, because the taller one suddenly manouvered his broad torso to faced Baekhyun and took Baekhyun's face in his huge hands. There it was, that beautiful smile that Baekhyun love from Chanyeol was there once again when the giant looked at him while he was squishing Baekhyun's cheeks.

"This is e herrrrressemen. Am calling de pulice," Baekhyun knew he must be looking ridiculous like an octopus in the cartoon movie with pouty lips and red face, because Chanyeol's smile getting wider.

Baekhyun almost whined when Chanyeol released his face and laughed out loud once again, but the taller said that, as much as he loves to see Baekhyun's adorable face forever, they really have to left the parking lot asap. Baekhyun said nothing when Chanyeol suddenly grabbed Baekhyun's hand and pull the smaller one with him. It's not like his soulmate did this because he knew who Baekhyun was, but just for tonight, Baekhyun would pretend like Chanyeol knew. And they were on their _real_ date.

Chanyeol was a social butterfly, Baekhyun knew that. Since highschool, even before he's _this_ broad and muscley, the giant was already famous and had his fair share of admirers who adore him from a far. He's gorgeous, kind and charming. He's funny, always smiling and bright. He's the happy virus. And he still is, Baekhyun could see it from the way people greeted him and looked happy to see him on their short way to the elevator. Most of the people who ride with them in the elevator were patients' family and they left Baekhyun and Chanyeol alone when they got off on their respected floors. Chanyeol only stepped out from the elevator when they reached the highest floors.

"Uhm, seriously Chanyeol, where are we going?" Baekhyun asked as he saw rows of unused hospital beds and flickering lights. This place's creepy and it's hard to continue pretending that they're having a date in this kind of place.

Chanyeol didn't answer, instead, he was just walking even faster while still pulling Baekhyun with him. They finally reached the last and furthest door on that floor, and Baekhyun probably knew where they are actually going. A gushed of cold but fresh wind hit his face as Chanyeol opened the door.

"Here it's, Baek. We're finally here. It's the secret employee lounge,"

The place was out in the open. There were chairs and round tables with big umbrellas, lazy chairs, and they even got a swing and a vending machine. It was really a nice place with the fairy lights hanging around. Baekhyun was awed and when he sat on the swing, he could see the views of downtown at night were spectacular. Chanyeol joined him later on with bags of chips, chocolates, and cans of cider from the vending machine, "Bon appetite,"

Baekhyun took one of the cans and smiled so wide, "This is very awesome, Chanyeol,"

"You like it? It's nice right?" Baekhyun nodded like an over excited child and he could hear Chanyeol's chuckle over the sound of a sizzling soda from just an opened can.

"But don't you have a shift tonight?"

"I rescheduled it for tomorrow. The weather's surprisingly nice today, normally it would be freezing out here, but right now it's perfect and I thought I could share my sanctuary to you," he winked playfully when Baekhyun looked at him.

The smaller one couldn't help but frowned, "Why?"

"Just to cheer you up and get you out of the house once in a while. Just look around, it's beautiful right? Maybe you can even found your muse here,"

When he looked at him, The younger's wide eyes were so clear and twinkling. It's almost he had the stars in his eyes. Baekhyun could see himself between the stars and he lost in it. Chanyeol's so beautiful and Baekhyun didn't want to admit, but he had never fell more in love before. Why Chanyeol had to be this sweet? Why he made it so hard to breathe? Why did he make him floating with hope if he would just smacked him back down to earth?

 

Why?

Why?

_Why?_

 

........................

 

That barista guy came again. His name's Luhan. He's chinese and so so pretty. Baekhyun knew that Chanyeol always loved beautiful and pretty things. Meanwhile Baekhyun was everything but beautiful.

This was the second time Luhan came (and also the first time Baekhyun actually met the person who would personally sent him visiting his own nightmare). They were just finishing their dinner while watching random movie in the living room (Kyungsoo made his signatured dish by the way, the famous beef wasabi kebab) when the door rang. Chanyeol greeted him with a short peck on the lips when he opened the door and Baekhyun felt like his heart was fierced with a small knife at the sight. Fortunately he didn't drop all the dishes on his way to the kitchen. He tried to smile when Chanyeol kindly introduced his newest _boy_ _toy_  (Chanyeol's partner of the day.. until he got bored- Kyungsoo's words, not him) though it might looked more like a cringe than a smile, but he could carelesss. They have a little talk for a short time, before Baekhyun decided to runaway and hide himself in his room as usual. He made sure to locked the door and lay himself on his bed while facing the ceiling. He's surrendering himself to the fate as he closed his eyes. _'Just please, made this less hurt..'_

But it still hurt.

 _Hurt_.

It hurts so so bad.

And he lost in his memory once again.

 

 

_Hyeran was a sweet girl. Baekhyun kinda understand why Chanyeol lik- loved her so much. She's pretty with her small eyes and pink cherry cheeks. Her thin lips curled upside so she almost looked always smiling and it's beautiful because it reached her eyes. She always so soft spoken, genuine and cheerful, it was nice to be around her. They were together since freshman year. But even that perfect girl didn't enough for Chanyeol._

_Chanyeol turned 18 when Baekhyun already on his first year in college. Eventhough Baekhyun graduated first, they kept contacting each other with occasional phone calls and messages. The younger one was so excited about his birthday on November since the beginning of the year. He always said he would throw the biggest birthday party ever and when he called, he always made Baekhyun promised him that he would come before they hung up. Time went by and a week before the party, Chanyeol called him,_

_"Baekhyunnie, finally my birthday's next week.  You have to come to my party because there're gonna be boozes and my folks are going out of town. This's going to be the biggest party ever. You promised me you'll come,"_

_"I'm gonna be there, Yeol,"_

_"I'll be waiting,"_

_"Ok......"_

_That day, November 27th, the weather was so nice. Sure, it's cold because it's the beginning of winter anyway, but it's a beautiful night nontheless. It's almost like the universe was determined to grant Chanyeol's wish of  having the best party like what the young lad always said._

_The night's still young. Baekhyun hummed merrily on his way. To be  honest, he's happy for Chanyeol but a little bit nervous too for the reason he didn't know why. Maybe because of his outfit. He spent a lot of time to chose it because he didn't want to looked underdress but he also didn't want to looked like a try hard. It's Chanyeol's birthday so it had to be perfect. It's not like he was trying to dress to impress, it's more like he tried so hard not to looked like an eyesore. To be a wallflower was his humble wish, as long as Chanyeol knew he was there because afterall, they had a different circle of friends. In the end, he went with a sky blue sweater on top of a white shirt and a dark jeans. Simple._

_Baekhyun's hands went inside his navy jacket. His hand touched a very small box, a gift, wrapped in a red fiery color paper. It was a new guitar pick for Chanyeol. Lately the younger said he's interested in that string instrument and already started to learn how to play it. When Baekhyun went for a gift hunting about a week ago, he saw a music store on his way. Honestly, it was just a mere coincidence that he decided to went in but when his eyes found a very beautiful guitar pick which had a majestic phoenix bird on it, he knew he already found a perfect gift for Chanyeol._

_Chanyeol's house was only two blocks away when Baekhyun suddenly felt like his head was being hit by a baseball batter. He fell down on his knees and his right hand trying to grab the lamp post in front of him. But then another bang in the head happened once again and soon after, he was breathless when he felt a giant hand squeezing his heart like an orange or something._

_"What happened?" He heard people around him asked. 'Right, what happened? Why it suddenly hurt like hell?'_

_Then came another blow, this one felt like it was coming from a massive hammer and Baekhyun fell completely on the dirty side walk. Another invisible giant hand now coming for his arm, it ripped apart his left arm from it's socket before breaking the bones in two._

_Baekhyun screamed or at least he tried to when now it's his legs turn. Someone invisible probably stabbed his entire right legs with thousands of forks and he could only cried._

_"What is wrong with him?" Yes, what's wrong with me? Hurt.. it hurt everywhere and it's like someone's trying to dragged him into the endless pit of darkness._

_He saw a very bright light that was blinding his eyes and a very final blow that hurt his whole body he wondered 'is this how it felt to be hit by a car?' before the darkness finally win._

_Hurt._

_This's hurt._

_Please stop._

Baekhyun knew his tears were flowing like a broken dam. He couldn't stop neither. The hurt and the the tears, he let it be. He was in and out of conciousness.

And once again, his mind went back to where he left.

 

_Baekhyun woke up in the hospital three days later. Every inch of his body was in pain. He couldn't even move his left hand and his right leg. There were bruises and scratches all over the body but dr. Kim Junmyeon said there were no broken bones, fortunately._

_Unfortunately, Baekhyun just had the biggest soulmate seizure in his entire life. Probably because his soulmate had finally coming off age and still did it with someone else in a rough and hardcore way. The bruises in his body was nothing compared to the bruises in his soul. No one could see it, but what happened that day surely left scars in his soul. Since that day, Baekhyun was never the same person inside._

_Baekhyun stayed in the hospital for three weeks. When he was there, he got so many counselings and treatment for the soul from dr. Kim. That guy was still young but he's very patient and already knew Baekhyun since the early days of his soulmate seizures. He was the soulmate specialist that Baekhyun met in the coffee shop every time he had seizures._

_The petite guy finally met Chanyeol about one week later. He wanted to give the younger one his gift and he also wanted to apologized for not coming to his birthday party, he didn't tell him why though. At first, Chanyeol was sulking but when Baekhyun took out his gift, Chanyeol's face soften._

_"You really don't have to give me anything, Baekhyunnie. I was worried when you didn't come and I couldn't reach you at all for three weeks. Looking at you now's enough for me,"_

_To be honest, Baekhyun didn't expected for Chanyeol to said something like that. The taller one's probably only joking anyway, so he said, "fine if you didn't want this. I'm just gonna turn it and get my money back,"_

_"Nope. It's mine. You already gave it to me anyway," Chanyeol said as he opened the gift. He was speechless and his shocked face when he looked what's inside was worth it. And when that shocked face turned into a thousand watt of smile, Baekhyun felt like he could live with it for the rest of his life._

_"A phoenix guitar pick! This's so freaking dope! Thanks Baekhyunnie,"_

_The smile was contagious because Baekhyun felt like his face was stretching by itself and his lips turned upward before he knew it, "Well, glad that you like it because I hope you could play me something with it,"_

_"Of course!" The taller guy that even taller now jumped from his bed to get his guitar on the corner of his room. They were both in Chanyeol's bedroom. Baekhyun decided to just came to the younger's house because the sulking giant baby didn't want to answer his calls or text messages eventhough he made sure to read it all to let Baekhyun knew that he was mad. "What do you want me to play?" Chanyeol asked as soon as he's back beside Baekhyun on the bed._

_"Whatever song you can play the best,"_

_Chanyeol hummed with the pick between his lips, "Then, Radioplay's Creep it is,"_

_Baekhyun didn't expect Chanyeol to play so great because the younger one said he just began to learn how to play, but what he didn't expect more was when the younger one singing too while at it. Chanyeol's voice was always deep and sultry, warm like Baekhyun's favorite dark chocolate. Baekhyun knew that, but he didn't know that it could also made a very beautiful melody that could make his own soul sing with him. It's weird to felt something like this, almost like they were connected to each other. Baekhyun was in a trance until he saw something on Chanyeol's arm._

_"What's that?"_

_Chanyeol didn't stop playing, but his eyes were following Baekhyun's line of sight, "Oh, it's my new tattoo. A gift from my parents,"_

_Baekhyun was admiring the inked guitar that shaped by two moons on Chanyeol's left arm, "Why tattoo?" He was itching to run his finger on it but he was sure that Chanyeol wouldn't appreciate it._

_"Because I want to have something on my body that wasn't given by fate. Something that I chose for myself. A thing that wasn't predetermine by someone else or some powerful force out there, like soulmate or soulmate signs. Also, Kris picked the design for me. He was the person who gave me the idea of having a tattoo,"_

_Baekhyun blinked, "Who's Kris?"_

_"My boyfriend. You would have met him if you came to my party. He's an exchanged student from Canada. He's actually your age but he repeated last year of high school because he's from abroad. I think you guys could be friends,"_

_Wait what? Baekhyun frowned, "But what about Hyeran?"_

_"What about her?" Chanyeol now was plucking his guitar with random notes while humming familiar melody._

_The older but smaller one cleared his throat, "Since when? I thought- I thought you loved Hyeran to the point you're willing to fight for your relationship,"_

_"That was then. It changed when I met Kris. She's a romantic sappy anyway. I could see that she would left me for her soulmate, so before that happened, I broke up with her first,"_

_"Did you- did your sign appear?" What about your soulmate? Would you really left them for someone else?_

_Chanyeol stopped playing. He lifted his right hand and spread his thick fingers that he used to strum the guitar just now. At first, Baekhyun didn't understand why Chanyeol did that, but then he saw it. Placed on the side of his middle finger, a petite yellow star that looked extremely familiar, Baekhyun thought he was having a dejavu. It was exactly the same star that he had on his right inner thigh._

_"This is.. my soulmate sign. I don't even know where they are at the moment, but I could careless. I have Kris,"_

_Baekhyun's mind was connecting the dot silently, and as the reality really hit on him, he started to feel that familiar pain from weeks ago coming back at full force._

_That means... he's the soulmate that Chanyeol never wanted._

_Stabbed!_

_Chanyeol chose Kris over him._

_Stabbed! Stabbed!_

_Chanyeol chose anyone but him just because he was the soulmate._

_Stabbed! Stabbed! Stabbed!_

Baekhyun caught his breath as if he was just came out of the water. Apparently, the pain from his memory sent him back to present time. Or was it? Because it felt so real. As Baekhyun gained his mind he could really felt the pain. No. It's not just from the memory. It's happening. It hurt and it's burning him from the inside. An invisible knife was ripping his inside too. He was torned and alive.

He could hear them.

_It's disgusting._

_Please make it stop._

They were fornicating in the next room and killed Baekhyun at the same time.

_Please. Just end me._

_End this pain._

It's not like his soulmate and his boy toy could hear Baekhyun's voiceless cry. It's not like he could felt Baekhyun's torment either. And he obviously didn't hear Baekhyun's dying plead. So, he lost it. Baekhyun's completely lost his own mind over the pain. It was the agony who lead him to get up and left the bed. It wasn't him who walked to the nearest desk and took a palette knife on it. It was the misery who made him took off his sweat pants and aim the sharp edge of the pallete knife on the star.

It was the distress who tearing apart his soulmate sign.

_Be gone!_

_Please!_

_Please....._

One stab. Two stabs. Three stabs. Countless stabs later and Baekhyun kept chanting, pleading desperately for his soulmate sign to be gone forever. The source of his endless tortures. The reason he's living his nightmares. The precious sign that he loved the most.

_He didn't want me._

_I just want to make it stop._

_Please!_

He finally put the knife down. There's no more sound from the room next to his. His body ached and he's exhausted. Looking down, he saw his thigh bleeding severely.

 

_And then he fainted.._

...........................

 

It's November already and Chanyeol's birthday was just right around the corner. It's the month of warm sweater, thick jacket, and heat packs because it was almost winter, but it didn't affect the bright Park Chanyeol at all. He's even more energetic because it's his birth month afterall.

On one fine night, he brought lots of boozes and fried chicken to the flat. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were just lazing around in a blanket turf while watching Goblet of Fire.

"Get up, you lazy asses! I brought foods and boozes for us. You're welcome," Chanyeol chirped excitedly while putting all of it on the coffee table.

"What's the occasion?" Kyungsoo asked from under his Penguin of Madagascar blanket. He didn't move from his position at all.

"It's exactly 25 days to my birthday! Come on, get out of your childish blanket turf, you too Baekhyunnie," Baekhyun stayed still when Chanyeol flopped right beside him and started whining. The giant male was trying to pull his three blankets off of him but he just scoffed.

"Get off, Dobby. It's too cold and you're not invited to our _'childish'_ turf."

"Aww, Baekhyunnie. Pleasee.. I bought soju too. It will make you warm. If it's not enough, I will let you hug me too,"

This time, it was Kyungsoo who snorted, "You're just disgustingly clingy and whipped, Park,"

Chanyeol pouted.

Baekhyun bit his lips and slowly crawled out of his warm nest, "It's because the chicken's warm and cheesy and crispy," he mumbled, but he saw Chanyeol's blinding smirk was back on his handsome face.

"How do you know?" Kyungsoo frowned and finally sat from his comfy pillows.

"The smell..."

Chanyeol was already back on the coffee table, he was busy opening a bottle of soju and some beer cans. "I always knew Baekhyunnie loves his chickens too much. That's why I ordered his favorite," He said smugly.

The grumpy smaller man rolled his eyes. "Just give me the beer and a plate of chicken so I can go back burying myself alive. It's not fair you stayed fit and healthy after all these junk foods. I hate you and your broad shoulder, Park,"

"I'm born attractive, Do. Deal with it," the youngest but biggest male in the room smirked but soon turned into a mushy puppy when he faced his other friend. "And this is the beer for you," Chanyeol put an opened can in front of Baekhyun who's already completely out of his blanket and was eating his second chicken wings.

Baekhyun hummed. He was contemplating something, he didn't want to drink beer tonight. It's not strong enough. It's been so long since he drank something because he's not a big fan of alcohol, not even to escape or forget his agony. No, he never resorted to alcohol. Art was his sanctuary... and maybe dr. Kim Junmyeon. But tonight, he chose the other option. He wanted to be someone who's not him. He want to forget. "Give me soju, Yeol. I want soju with my chicken tonight,"

"Are you sure?"

"Don't even dare, Park,"

"It's okay Kyungsoo," Baekhyun calmly said.

"Don't be ridiculous, Baek. You got slightly drunk when you just eat a small whisky chocolate from Jongin. You're a lightweight drinker. Your low tolerance ass couldn't afford soju,"

Baekhyun frowned. He knew Kyungsoo meant good and always trying to protect his ass like a good older brother, but seriously, he's a little bit too much, "Well try me, Mom. Pour me a shot, Yeol,"

 

 

As expected (or as Kyungsoo predicted), not even half an hour later, Baekhyun's face was as red as a ripe tomato. He lost it. He couldn't even stand on his own two feet or speaking without slurring. And now, the drunkard was singing a familiar broken heart song on the sofa. He really sounded miserable though- maybe because he was singing off key with a high pitch.

"One and a half shot. It only need that much to make this dumbass a mess," Kyungsoo rolled his eyes for the nnth time that day. "And you dumbass number two, should be thankful that we're at home and not in some random pub instead. You gave him those shots, so you deal with him. I'm gonna start The Half Blood Prince while you're at it,"

"He looked like he need it. And to be honest I thought... he wouldn't drank it all in one shot."

"You clearly never think if it's about Baekhyun, Chanyeol. You always give in,"

Chanyeol didn't say anything anymore. He just watched the petite drunkard on the couch who's now humming another familiar tune while picking the loose thread on the pillow. After sometime, the giant one among the three finally approached him.

"Fun time's up. Let's get you to bed, Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol tried to grab Baekhyun's arm and help him stood. Except, drunk Baekhyun sneered when Chanyeol touched him. 

"Handsss o...off, Yeollie poo. Just because I'm a little bit drunk, that doesn't mean you can take me to beddd..." the petite drunk chuckled, "I'm not your boy toyy, I don't even like you or your stupid Dobby earsss..."

"Baekhyunnie, you're so drunk you'll get a massive hangover tomorrow if you don't take a rest and drink aspirin now. You're gonna get a severe a headache in the morning," Chanyeol pouted but drunk Baekhyun didn't care.

"Loool,"

"Did he just say 'lol' literally instead of laughing?" Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo who only shrugged and continue eating his 5th piece of fried chicken.

"Asss if you know what a headache is.. you, you never felt pain in your life you don't know how it feels like to have a splitting headache," Baekhyun frowned while pointing his point finger to wherever. "Also..." Baekhyun paused for a second before he continued, "... I forgot what to say. Let me take another shot to cleared my head,"

Baekhyun reached for the nearest beer can on the coffee table but before he could drink it, a giant hand tried to catch it but failed. Baekhyun's sweatpants drenched in beer when the can slipped of Baekhyun's hand and pour almost the whole contain to his pants.

"Yeollie poo, look what you've done. It's me who wanted to drink, not my sweatpants, you silly,"

"I'm so sorry, Baek. Come on, get up. You should changed and go to sleep asap," the sudden pull on drunk Baekhyun's arm from the sober giant made the petite one got a sick motion. Before he could completely stood up, he throwed up most of his dinner on the poor sweat pants.

Kyungsoo sighed from his spot, cheesy chicken still in hands, it's amazing that he could still eat at time like this, "Just took his ruined pants off and I'll burn it in the morning,"

"You mean wash it?"

The grumpy wide eyed boy just shrugged, "I believe you don't need any help since you're such a pro in taking off other's clothes? I don't wanna touch puke, thank you very much... and good luck,"

Baekhyun was trying hard to took his sweatpants off alone without even touching it. Drunk or not, puke's disgusting. He stepped on one of the hem of his pants while the other foot tried to pulled it down. He still didn't let Chanyeol  touch him.

"Baek, just let me help you?"

"The last time you said you want to help me, you made me puke instead, Yeollie poo. Also, just because you're good with your hands, which your partner approved by the way -I know because fyi, the walls in this flat is thin- I don't need any help. I'm fine," he said while still struggling with the pants. 5 seconds later, he almost fall face first to the floor if Chanyeol didn't catch him.

It was either because Baekhyun already throwing up most of the alcohol or because of giant hands on his waist that made him almost sober. He could feel his skin burned under the touched, "Just let me help, will you? Stay still, I don't mind touching your puke or whatever but I prefer not to,"

"It's not like I have any choice," Baekhyun pouted.

Baekhyun shivered when Chanyeol slowly but sure helped him to take off his pants. He was wearing a short black boxer, normally, it would make him feel naked enough because no one had seen him stripped or wore a shorts in public since he got his soulmate sign. Today, eventhough almost all the alcohol left his system, it's still enough to make his head cloudy. He didn't think much before allowing Chanyeol to helped him, how could he, when he began to feel extremely sleepy now. All he wanted was just to get out of his smelly pants and go to bed. He was focusing back on Chanyeol when he felt the younger one silently gasped and a cold thick finger running on his inner thigh skin.

"What is this?"

Baekhyun looked down to Chanyeol who was squatting right in front of his clothed family jewel. In normal circumstances, Baekhyun would have explode in shyness and think about anything inappropriate. But he's still a little bit tipsy so the signal in his head was a little bit short circuited, "Scars.." he answered nonchalantly.

"No," Baekhyun could see Chanyeol gulped nervously,  "This star.. is it?" He didn't finish it. But Baekhyun got it anyway.

"My soulmate sign,"

Chanyeol only gapped for some time. He was closing and opening his mouth like a fish out of water, probably trying to connect the dots, "Wha- you.. why don't you, I didn't know.. I never kno-"

The older one rolled his eyes and cut the stuttering male before him to safe his time, "My soulmate sign and my soulmate are off limit, Chanyeol,"

"But.."

"It's not like you ever care about your soulmate,"

"But Baekhyun.."

"I'm tired. I want to go sleep," Baekhyun yanked the rest of his sweat pants carelessly from his ankle. It's obvious he wanted to end the conversation. He didn't wanna talk about it tonight. Heck, he didn't wanna think at all. He knew, Chanyeol would probably pester him tomorrow, but he could wait. He left for his bedroom with no final glance at both of the silent males in the room.

 

................................

 

The sign, the cute yellow star that he was so fond of and cherished years ago, the exact one that he wanted to be gone only months ago, remained. It's surrounded by scars now, but it's still there, stubbornly going nowhere. Even after it was severely wounded, bleeding until there's no tomorrow, and Baekhyun had to used almost all his stashes of antiseptic and bandage before he could go to the hospital to met dr. Kim (who of course, scolded him for being reckless and dangerous to himself).

Baekhyun expected Chanyeol to be hot on his heels, demanding explanation or something but it's just silence for a couple of days. Maybe he forgot about it already, or thinking it wasn't important. Chanyeol didn't interested in his soulmate wasn't a new thing, he said it verbally if not showing it with his endless parade of one night stands or short term partners.

It was Kyungsoo who he didn't expected to come and talk to him about it. Baekhyun was sitting on the window seal as usual, he was sketching a squirrel on the tree when Kyungsoo came with two glasses of hot choco.

"Hey," Baekhyun said thank you when Kyungsoo handed in one of the glass and scooted a little to give his friend a place to sit. "You're practicing?"

"Yeah,"

"Looked good, you should post it in instagram,"

"Yea, I will probably do that," the artist chuckled.

They both went silent as they drank their choco while staring at the squirell on the tree. "You know," Kyungsoo began, and Baekhyun knew that his bestfriend since childhood days meant business with that kind of tone, "About what happened last friday,"

"Chanyeol's my soulmate. I'm sorry I never told you about it," Baekhyun decided it's useless and not worth it to try beating around the bush with Kyungsoo, so he finally opened up for the first time to him.

Baekhyun surprised when Kyungsoo suddenly laughed out loud, "I knew at least that much since ages ago,"

"How?" The artist frowned.

"Like I always said, Baekhyunnie, I'm not stupid or maybe I just trusted my guts. I know both you and Chanyeol since long time ago, longer with you. I know when you have hearts on your eyes everytime you looked at him and that agony you always trying so hard to hide when he brought someone else home. I can connect the dots of why Chanyeol never got soulmate seizure or whatever and your lack of dates. What I don't know is, why did you do that? Why are you hiding yourself from your own soulmate and tortured yourself in the process?"

"I thought you knew the reason already,"

Kyungsoo sighed, "That idiot... Did you guys talk about it?"

Baekhyun scoffed, "How can I when he's busy working in the hospital and avoiding me?"

"I swear to God.. I'm gonna kill that Dobby with my own hands,"

"As much as I appreciated you, if you do that then you'll kill me too because like it or not he's still my soulmate,"

Kyungsoo bit his lips as if he was really contemplated to do that, "Touche. So what you're gonna do?"

"I have plans. I'll let you know later..."

 

 

It took Chanyeol another three days before he came around and for once, didn't have overtime at the hospital. He brought cokes instead of beers when Baekhyun was watching Chamber of Secrets alone, Kyungsoo was out having a date with his soulmate.

"Hey.. how are you?"

The giant looked confuse when the smaller one chuckled, "You reminded me of Jeffree Star. He's someone that I liked to watch on youtube,"

"An artist?"

"Sorta. He likes to play with colors," Baekhyun glanced from the corner of his eyes when the giant nodded and reached out to take one of the cans on the coffee table, which later on was given to him. "Thanks,"

They both watched when Mrs. Norris got petrified and Baekhyun flinched when Filch cried uglily on the screen. Well at least Baekhyun watched it, he didn't know about Chanyeol, but he could feel that the younger one was agitated. "What's wrong, Chanyeol?" He decided to ask. When he didn't answer, Baekhyun moved and faced Chanyeol who was sitting beside him instead. "I know you want to talk. Just say it,"

Chanyeol seemed so fidgety. As if he was worried he would make Baekhyun explode or something. He wet his lips before mumbling very softly, "Your scar.."

"It's healing. No big deal."

"Why did you do it?" Chanyeol's eyes keep bouncing around the room, avoiding the only contact that Baekhyun was trying to make with him.

"Because I hate it. I just want to make the pain stop."

"Why don't you ever tell me?"

"Because I know it's useless."

"At least you can try..." Chanyeol looked down to the soda can in his hands.

Baekhyun laughed bitterly, "And get rejected all over again? Everytime you told me about your dream to be with someone that you can choose by yourself feels like a rejection to me. It's enough,"

Chanyeol didn't answer. He's bitting his lips nervously and Baekhyun didn't wanna see him looking pathetic like that. So he was returning his focus to the screen once again. He didn't paused the movie so he missed a couple of scenes but that's not a problem to him. He already watched this movie and read the book more than enough to know how the story went.

"I think.." Chanyeol started and it piqued Baekhyun's interest, "I think we should try to- to be together,"

"What?"

"Because you're," Chanyeol visibly gulped, "You're my soulmate. I don't want you to get soulmate seizures or something. I don't wanna see you get hurt,"

Baekhyun laughed. Hard. Until his eyes were watery and he had to wipe his tears of mirth as if he was just heard the joke of the century. "I tought you never knew the concept of soulmate seizure. I always tought you missed the class when the teacher talked about it. I tought you have no idea..."

"Baekhyunnie.."

"Look," Baekhyun turned serious in a jify, "I don't need your pity, Chanyeol. Just because you _just_ knew that me, one of your friends, is your soulmate then you started to act like you care. I always know you're free spirited, Chanyeol, so I don't need you to force yourself to something you don't like. I don't want to be the one who you could blame for changing your life principles. I survived this whole time you're being an ass. I'm strong, so never said- for fuck sakes- that you don't have the heart to see me hurting, when you never ever care about your soulmate everytime you're being unfaithful to me with others before this,"

 

...............................

 

 _"So this is your plan? Ran away to wherever you're right now?"_ That freaking _judging_ tone. Baekhyun could hear it clearly through the phone- that Kyungsoo was actually mocking or questioning his intelligence for the act that he did. The petite teacher must be rolling his eyes too at the moment.

"Wow, that was fast. How did you know?" Baekhyun asked as he was unpacking his art supplies from one of his bags. "I didn't left any good bye letters or whatever. This could be only one of my trips for searching my muse as usual. It's not like it's weird if you can't find me for days,"

_"Most of your stuffs were gone.. and Jongin called,"_

"That son of a bi-"

 _"He's my soulmate,_ " Kyungsoo cut Baekhyun's curse, _"He's also your cousin and he's worried about you,"_

Baekhyun sighed. He put the sketches books and rubbed his face tiredly, "I'm just done with his shit. He's killing me and I'm not up for the emotional roller coaster for the rest of my life. I don't- I can't afford to see him pitying me, I'm not a charity case," he scoffed, "And it's not like I'm running away to somewhere far you and Jongin both didn't really know. I'm only two doors away from his apartment for God's sakes,"

_"I'm just- I'm gonna come later to check up on you. I'll bring food so make sure you're hungry to eat all of it, you dumbass,"_

"Don't tell Chanyeol about me,"

Baekhyun almost could hear Kyungsoo rolled his eyes through the line, _"As if I'm that stupid. This is me 'cruciating' him after all this time he hurt you physically and emotionally,"_

The artist laughed out oud, "I love you, Kyungsoo,"

_"You better. See you soon,"_

 

 

Kyungsoo came almost every two or three days. He said he worried that Baekhyun wouldn't take care of himself and only eat ramyeon for life- it's a convenient thing to do anyway because he could visit Jongin at the same time. One day, he came with Jongin and a friend of him who lived on the same floor in the apartment. On their first meeting, Baekhyun realized that the new guy was almost as tall as Chanyeol and he was extremely handsome too. At first he was that stoic but handsome (and like that out of reach vampire from the movie), but after a couple of times meeting Oh Sehun, Baekhyun finally knew that he was just a shy little kitten. He went to the same campus as Jongin and majoring the same thing, dance.

They were having dinner together, Kyungsoo brought his famous kimchie jiggae and Baekhyun provided the beverages, when Jongin said over his third  can of beer, "Sehun here is mateless,"

Kyungsoo, who sat beside him slapped his soulmate's on the back of his head for being so blunt, "That's rude to say something like that... and also so random,"

Sehun smiled, "It's ok. I never wanted to hide it anyway. What's so wrong for being a mateless? Is it a sin? No. So, I don't mind, really..."

"Are you sure? Maybe you just have to search your body more closely. I mean, I knew people who had their signs located on strange areas.. like my parents,"

Maybe it was because of the alcohol that timid Sehun could be so loosed on the mouth tonight, "You wanted to help search my body? Because I don't mind to be honest,"

Jongin threw some lettuces at his best friend, "In your dream, playboy. He's my cousin,"

When the two of them were bickering, Kyungsoo looked at Baekhyun and signaled to help him with the dishes in the kitchen. Baekhyun took his coke and some dirty plates then went away with him. "You really don't have to worry about Sehun. His gut was only pure from the alcohol, without it, he would be as brave as a tiny kitten, all mewl and no bites,"

"I knew that," Baekhyun chuckled as he threw away some of the left over foods on the plate to the trash bag. To be honest, he was waiting for some private time with Kyungsoo to asked about something that he himself didn't want to admit since weeks ago. But those questions were bugging his mind. He bit his lips nervously, should he just ask or let it be, but Kyungsoo was his best friend since their diaper days so he knew when Baekhyun's being bothered by something.

"Spill it. I kinda know what you want to ask but I want to hear it from your own mouth," he said while washing the dishes.

"How's he? Is he... healthy?" Of course, no matter how fed up he was with him, he's still his soulmate.

"If you mean _'did he miserable enough that he looked like a soul less doll but was trying hard to looked ok'_? Then the answer was yes. Yes, he did. I could also say that he's as useful as a single chopstick without his pair,"

Baekhyun put the dry plate on the rack, ignoring the rest at the moment to focus on what Kyungsoo's saying, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know how he is at work, but he's like stop functioning at home. He's in a trance most of the time.. like the person who left behind,"

"Oh, that barista finally got away too?" Baekhyun asked bitterly and started to grabbed another plates to dry it with the cloth.

"It's you. You're the one who got away from him,"

"Funny. It's impossible for him to be that- you said and I quote 'miserable'- because of me," Baekhyun did the air quote gesture with a cloth to dry the dishes in his hand, "It's not like I was never away for days or weeks to search for my muse before-- fyi, it was never a happy trip, Kyungsoo. I was staying at the hospital the whole time,"

"It's different from those time, Baek. Maybe because he's your soulmate afterall so he could sense that you're really leaving him this time. I don't know either. I'm not trying to pick his side, but... You didn't realized did you? That you probably never get those seizures when you were away?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have you ever got your condition worse when you're in the hospital?"

"I don't think so,"

"That's because Chanyeol's lifeless when you're not around,"

"Did he?" Baekhyun scoffed. "That Chanyeol? Who never had a shortfall of companions? Who could pick anyone he liked from anywhere with his charm and handsome face?"

"Yep, that dumbass. You would probably already know, because you're his soulmate afterall, but this time too.. he never brought anyone elses home again since you left. Not even on his birthday,"

Of course Baekhyun knew. He was never better and _this_ healthy before, because at least once a week Chanyeol would bring someone home and that only meant torture for Baekhyun, "What about that barista?"

"You mean Luhan? Well he came once, uninvited, because Chanyeol didn't expect him to come, but strangely, I think he came as a friend. He brought cakes from the cafe where he worked at, had a dinner with us, then went straight to his own home. At least that's what I see, unless he had someone but I can assure you it's not Chanyeol," It's been weeks since Baekhyun got his soulmate seizures. That means Chanyeol didn't do it with anyone else. Kyungsoo's right, he's not functioning like he always did.

"Why?" Baekhyun was seriously asking. He's that curious. Because seriously, _why_? Wasn't that what Chanyeol always wanted? To be with someone he wants and not with someone that fate had cruelly and carelessly set him up with? It was one of the reasons why Baekhyun left, Baekhyun just wanted to give him space and the opportunity to get his happy ending. Eventhough Baekhyun couldn't be with him then so be it, maybe Baekhyun's happy ending was somewhere out there too. Maybe they could be the first soulmate in this alternate universe who didn't have to ended up together. Maybe when both of them had find their own happiness then the pain would magically be gone?

But, who's Baekhyun trying to kid? Fate? Himself? Because he always knew that deep inside, he probably couldn't last without Chanyeol. Fuck his life, seriously.

"That's not the question I could answer, because I don't know either,"

Baekhyun decided to focused his time in his works now. He's updating his instagram contents regularly, made a youtube account for his speed painting videos and even opened up a twitter account to do more promotions of his works. He accepted more commisions, up to triple of the amount that he usually took, all to diverting his mind from his soulmate issue and it kinda works. He also had an increasing income because of that. So he tought, maybe he's on the right track of moving on bit by bit.

Sehun started to came alone with snacks or dinner without Baekhyun realized, and he didn't mind the companion at all. Sehun was a funny little brother and a great friend to spend some time with. He liked to watch Harry Potter, read the books, and didn't mind to watch it over and over again. He chose to hung out with Baekhyun on friday night when he's not busy with college stuffs instead of going out with his friends. He loved Baekhyun's arts and he even accompanied Baekhyun to picked up his art tools for commisions.

"You're the first one who didn't whine at all when I wasted too much time contemplating which colors should I get for my arts," Baekhyun chuckled when they already sat warm and comfortable in one of the family restaurant at the mall. They decided to have burgers and milkshakes for their dinner. Baekhyun's treat because Sehun was such a good company.

"Really? What about Kyungsoo?"

"You know he's a grumpy little fluff,"

Sehun smirked and he looked extremely handsome even under the bright light of the restaurant, "Touche. And Jongin?"

"Are you kidding me? That brat?" They both laughed imagining Jongin, the sexy, exotic, and masculine dancer, who could steal everyone's heart when he's on stage, turned 180 degrees when he's not dancing. Jongin would probably whining and saying that he's hungry before sulking and went to read some comics.

Baekhyun dipped his salty french fried to the tomato sauce and added to himself bitterly, "Not even Chanyeol.."

"I'm sorry?" Sehun asked as he wiped his lips from the burger grease with a tissue.

"Ah, nothing," Baekhyun cleared his throat and try to push down the name and how he really felt about the owner with the strawberry milkshake. Sehun looked at him skeptically but Baekhyun's thankful because the younger one decided not to ask further.

"Jongin's really famous though," Sehun suddenly said. "He's bratty at home but at our campus, he's like an idol,"

"No waaay," Baekhyun exclaimed in disbelieve.

"Yes way," Sehun's smile widened. "He's a very loyal guy too, because, with all that attention that he got, it's easy to be unfaithful. I mean a kiss or two,here and there, was like everydays temptation,"

"What about you then? Do you have your own group of fangirls too?"

The younger one smirked, "Honestly, yes I do."

"Not surprised. And do you surrender to temptations?"

Sehun munched his burgers silently and answered when he done, "Sometimes, I did, when I felt lonely and if I interested with that person. It's the perk of being mateless, you wouldn't feel guilty to your soulmate or afraid you'll hurt them if you kissed someone that sparked your interest. Also, you could 'like' more than a person," he chuckled. "But the thing was, those people that I kissed, they had their own soulmates, and they're the one who would be hurting. I don't want to hurt people, directly or not.. so I tried my best to stay in my line when I'm with someone who had a soulmate, no matter how much I like them,"

Baekhyun couldn't help but think of how this young guy could be so wise. Not even his own soulmate appreciated him while this mateless person was treating people delicately. Sehun's so pure. "Then how about yourself? Didn't you afraid of ended up being alone?"

"Actually, most mateless people think alike. We had groups where we can share our thoughts and everything, because as you know, we're 'mateless' so we're depending ourselves to each other. Most often than not, when we're lucky, we found someone in those groups and ended up together. I could proudly say that the biggest perks of being mateless was that we're free to choose our own destiny. It's not always working out and we could ended up splitting in the end, but it's always worth to try..."

 

 

It's been three more days since Baekhyun left. Three days after he had a simple but meaningful dinner with Sehun. What Sehun said that night, had never left his mind. He couldn't help but think that, if only Chanyeol's a mateless, maybe he would be happier and maybe Baekhyun too, because he would probably got a soulmate that really wanted him. It's just one of his empty expectancy though, because what he had now, was Chanyeol as his soulmate and how he couldn't make nor beg that guy to love him back.

Come to think of it, it's almost three months since Baekhyun had his own place and not even once Chanyeol tried to contact him. Baekhyun wouldn't be the person who reached out first, because what's the point of leaving then if he's slowly crawling back to the giant who didn't even want him? He's moving to gave both him and Chanyeol spaces to search for their own happiness, so that's what he's going to do.

His happiness would be in the form of his job now. He's so busy he's probably going crazy but he enjoyed it. Drawing his personal taste, doing commissions, making videos, selling his arts were things that made him happy. There's a saying from a foreign country, ' _being happy is simple'_ and Baekhyun agreed with it. Just like now, he's happy when he walked to his usual art store to picked up some paints and varnish for his newest commissions. He was humming the song he heard nowadays from the spotify when he was working on his drawing while searching his pocket for his earphone. After a while, he found it and was plugging it to his handphone, when he saw him. A tall familiar figure, with his adorable pair of ears (that he missed so much, damn) was walking at his direction while reading something on his phone. Baekhyun was panicking. Sure, he missed his soulmate so much, but he didn't want to meet him now. He's not ready. He's not completely move on yet, it's only been months.

Baekhyun should hide. He better do it fast before Chanyeol see him. Thankfully the street was a little bit busy at the moment. There were a lot of people taking a break from their jobs to have lunch, it's apparently around that time. Baekhyun swiftly moved to his left to hide behind a pillar of a snack store, just two stores before his art supply store. He'll stand there until Chanyeol passed him by. He was making himself comfortable by leaning back to the pillar when he heard someone faintly called him between the music in his ears.

"Baekhyunnie.."

He almost dropped his phone when he saw Chanyeol stood right in front of the door of the snack store, phone still in hand and the door knob in his other hand as if he accidentally found Baekhyun when he looked up from his phone.

 

_Fate's cruel..._

................................

 

It was awkward. They never awkward with each other before. Not even after Baekhyun accidentally came in the bathroom to brush his teeth when Chanyeol was about to take a bath- stark naked in all his glory, broad shoulders and plump peaches (not that Baekhyun could see more than that in two seconds of embarrassement)- thinking that the bathroom was empty.

Both of them were sitting on the bench in front of the snack store with drinks in their hands, americano for Chanyeol and chocolate milk for Baekhyun. The giant cleared his throat, "so, how are you?"

"Honestly, never better,"

"I can see that. You looked great," Chanyeol smiled a small smile.

"What about you?" The smaller sipped his hot and sweet beverage carefully.

"So so.." Baekhyun saw him playing with the edge of his cup. Chanyeol's fidgety and he's probably nervous. "How's your commisions going? I saw you finished a lot of it in your instagram and.. and I watched your new youtube channel too,"

"It went well so far.. I work hard for it. It's my passion anyway," Baekhyun beamed when he's talking about his works, it's his pride and his life. "How about you?"

"Nothing change. Still the same hospital, same room, oh but I add some more shifts on my schedule,"

"You what? You already super busy when I was there but now, you're slaving yourself, Park Chanyeol. I wonder why Kyungsoo do nothing about this,"

"Oh, he's mad. He even threatened to kick my ass in front of my colleagues in the hospital if I didn't try to at least eat regularly."

Baekhyun laughed, "To be honest, I could completely imagine him doing that. I missed him threatening your ass 24/7, Chanyeol,"

The dentist went silent. They both went silent, but fortunately, it wasn't awkward. Trust Kyungsoo to always take care of them both in every way. Now he could break the ice, even when he's not literally there with them.

"I.. miss you, Baek," Chanyeol suddenly whispered, breaking the comfortable air around them.

Baekhyun smiled bitterly, "Well, I don't know because you never call"

"I tought I want to give you space and time to think about what I said the last time we met. I don't want to push you,"

The artist shrugged, "Sure. If we didn't accidentally met each other just now, you wouldn't grew a ball yet to talk to me. How long would you give me time to think?"

"As long as you need. You've been waiting for me for years, so now I will wait for you too,"

"What if I never come around? What if I want us to remained friends only?"

"I would have to respect your decision... right after I'm done pursuing you until my last breath," the younger one answered confidently. It's new. His confidence about wanting to have a relationship wasn't there before. Not in his face, not in his gesture, not even in his voice. Baekhyun looked at him. "When you're not around,  I thought a lot. Everywhere, everytime. Even hours after my shift was over, on the swing at the lounge that you like. Your favorite window seal, didn't look the same without you sitting there," He stared at him right in the eyes, and there's nothing except fire, a strong passion. For what? For Baekhyun? Impossible.

"Why if I may ask? Why do you want to try?"

"Because we're _soulmates_ ," And that answer was enough to make Baekhyun smiled and stood up abruptly.

"Where are you going?" Chanyeol looked up to see Baekhyun smiled sweetly but sadly to him.

"Good bye, Chanyeol. Take care of yourself," he said before stepping out from the terrace shop into the busy pavement and disappeared between throngs of people, leaving the still shocked dentist who didn't even know what he did wrong to be left behind once again.

 

.......................................

 

Chanyeol was persistent. Baekhyun knew because he's always been like that since high school. He's persistent with his little notes even when he already met Baekhyun, most people would get bored and stop messaging each other through notes, instead of changing the rituals into exchanging letters. He also didn't back out at all when he asked to be Baekhyun's second roommate as he started college- which successfully made him as the third tenant in the flat, up until months ago before Baekhyun went away.

Baekhyun 'accidentally' met him once again around the art store when he went to pick up some art supplies. It's not like he didn't try at all to contact Baekhyun through the phone now that he already said he would courting Baekhyun openly, it's just Baekhyun didn't always answer his calls or replied to his text.

And since then, after all their brief meetings that Baekhyun always dismissed as mere coincidences, which Chanyeol's strongly disagree by the way, the dentist always sent a quote through text. It's different each time, but it's all about 'coincidences'.

**From: Chanyeol**

_'There is no such thing as coincidence in this world. The only thing is hitsuzen. Hitsuzen...A naturally fore-ordained event. A state in which all other outcomes are impossible.'_

**From: Baekhyun**

_Did you google this?_

**From: Chanyeol**

_'3' no_

**From: Baekhyun**

_You didn't read xxxHolic. I did_.

**From: Chanyeol**

_Who said it was from there?_

**From: Baekhyun**

...

◇

 **From: Chanyeo** l

_Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?_

_Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences - Emery Allen_

**From: Baekhyun**

_Sure_

◇

**From: Chanyeol**

_Coincidences mean you're on the right path - Simon Van Booy_

**From: Baekhyun**

_I started to think that you're stalking me_

◇

 

That day when Baekhyun was on his way to the art store- this is like his fourth trip in the span of less than two weeks, because seriously, he needed to go there as often as he could, not to 'accidentally' meet the dumbass Dobby, but to get his supplies. He couldn't buy too much everytime he went there because if he bought what he didn't need, it would be a waste. It's safer to just buy little by little ( _"keep telling yourself that,"_ Kyungsoo's voice in his head said)- when he met Chanyeol once again.

_Oh, what a shocker._

It wasn't the short meeting as usual, as short as: Chanyeol teasing Baekhyun and gave him anything he brought with him that day (ranging from chocolates, sandwiches, strawberries, even the strawberry milk tea that Baekhyun loved so much. Mostly that strawberry milk tea, because it's courting gifts anyway, Chanyeol should be able to get a token from what he brought), and then both part ways because they were busy. Chanyeol's hospital wasn't that near from that district either, but he always managed to stole some time to met Baekhyun while buying the snack on his favorite store there. Today, Chanyeol caught Baekhyun's arm and dragged him to have lunch together. Lucky for him, Baekhyun didn't scream eventhough he was shocked when someone's suddenly hooking their arms with him.

"What are you doing?"

"Good afternoon, let's have lunch together, shall we?"

"I can't. I have a deadline tomorrow,"

Chanyeol pouted but still not releasing Baekhyun's arm, "Then let's have lunch tomorrow," he smiled hopefully like a puppy, Baekhyun swore he almost could see Chanyeol wagging his invisible tail.

"I can't promise anything. But seriously Chanyeol, did you go here everyday? Why are you always around here when I go to get my art supplies? This couldn't be a coincidence,"

Chanyeol cleared his throat, "Finally. Here's the quote of the day, _'Yes, you see, there’s no such thing as coincidence. There are no accidents in life. Everything that happens is the result of a calculated move that leads us to where we are'_. J.M. Darhower."

"Wow. I'm impressed. You really are stalking me."

"Ye- wait what? I tought you're impressed because I can recited a long quote perfectly. Uhm.. but I mean.. it's not hard to guess your routine because you always come here around lunch time,"

Baekhyun stopped in his track and pull his arms from Chanyeol's grip, "You're not giving up, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm not. Why?" Chanyeol frowned with his arms crossing over his chest.

"Well you should becau-"

"Baekhyun?" Baekhyun stopped when he heard someone's calling his name. It was Sehun. The younger one was carrying some plastic bags with him.

"Ah, Sehunnie. What are you doing here?"

"I have something to do around here," he said as he lifted his plastic bags. "Are you picking up some art supplies again?" He asked cheerfully, but maybe it was too cheerful for Chanyeol's liking because he's scoffing from beside Baekhyun.

"Yes," Baekhyun smiled, oblivious to a frowning giant with scary face who clearly didn't like to be interupted and clearly didn't fond of the young handsome man who suddenly appeared before them. "I was just about going there when I met Chanyeol here,"

Sehun looked to his side and finally acknowledge the giant who was talking to Baekhyun before he decided to greet the petite artist, "Oh, hi. I'm Oh Sehun, Baekhyun's neighbour,"

"I'm Park Chanyeol, Baekhyun's sou-"

"He's my old friend since high school," Baekhyun cut him before Chanyeol could finish his word. Baekhyun could feel that Chanyeol's extremely unhappy with what he did, but he could careless, for now.

"Since I'm done with my business, do you want me to accompany you to the art store as usual, Baek?"

"Sure, I'll be happy Sehun," Baekhyun smiled widely at Sehun before facing a grumbling Chanyeol, "See you later, Chanyeol. Be careful on your way back to the hospital,"

 

 

 

 

**From Kyungsoo:**

_Are you still on a date?_

**From Baekhyun** :

_What date?_

**From Kyungsoo** :

_A date with an almost as tall as Chanyeol-dude, with blond hair and looked like Justin Bieber?_

**From Baekhyun:**

_What- You mean Sehun? Who told you that?_

**From Kyungsoo:**

_Lol. A jealous little birdie_

_◇_

 

...............................

 

It might sound simple, or stupid even, for some people of why Baekhyun decided to walk away _again_ the first time they met again. It's not like he didn't appreciate Chanyeol or had completely move on from that tall goof easily. It's not that he wanted to take revenge, to make Chanyeol ran after him, bloody and hurting like he felt all this time that giant fooling around (well, maybe a little, honestly.. but not really). It's simply because he wanted to hear some specific words. _I love you._ That's it. That's the words. He wanted Chanyeol to come to him because he loves him, not because they're soulmates. Not because he _had to_ because fate and their parents and every people in this alternate universe said so. That won't change anything. That would even probably lead them hurting each other all over again. It's either Chanyeol hurting because he was forced to be someone that he didn't want or Baekhyun hurting because Chanyeol would ended up cheating on him again. That kind of relationship won't work. Ever. So Baekhyun tought they rather started nothing. At all.

It's not easy to dismissed someone who's trying so hard to be noticed by us, especially if that person was someone that you always love. Chanyeol's literally everywhere. It's not creepy, it's just how he is once he already set his goals. If not because of constant works that's occupying the majority of his mind nowadays, Baekhyun would probably already said ' _the hell with it, I'm just gonna accept that giant goon'._

Baekhyun stopped going to the art store and resorted to online shopping or deliveries when he decided that this had to stop. They can't dancing around each other like this forever. It's just a waste of time and it mercilessly played with his feelings. He didn't really know what the goal of Chanyeol's approach, would it be just for now when he's basking in the guilt or would it be for forever. Baekhyun sometimes tought that they might have to make the last, long and deep conversation to settle this once and for all, but he's no sure whether he could face the dentist and not succumbing to him.

The petite artist also tought of blocking Chanyeol's number, but he didn't have the heart to. In the end, he just ignored all Chanyeol's text and calls, including his silly quotes and his daily check up him. Even when the tall sounded like he's worried and sad when Baekhyun ignored him.

 

........................................

 

The only thing that Chanyeol didn't do yet all this time, was showing himself in front of Baekhyun's door, solely because he didn't know where he lived. Baekhyun never gave his new address to him and he made sure Kyungsoo didn't share anything about it. Kyungsoo's a great ally, Baekhyun always sure of that. What made Baekhyun wondered was how he managed to convinced Kyungsoo to bring Chanyeol with him that night. They were planning to have a dinner together, all four of them as usual when Chanyeol turn up as the fifth person.

It was Sehun who opened the door when Kyungsoo arrived with Jongin and Chanyeol and shortly, everyone could feel a tense air between Chanyeol and the adonis younger guy. The reluctance was strong from Chanyeol's side.

"Chanyeol is it? Come on in," Sehun greeted with a timid smile. As usual, he was that shy little kitten in front of a new person. But Baekhyun positive Chanyeol thought that Sehun was a rude little shit who tried to court Baekhyun or something.

Baekhyun saw the frown on the giant's face instantly disappeared as he walked in the living room with bowls of popcorn. It was replaced with a somehow relieved and content expression and it was Baekhyun's turn to frown then.

"Hey, Baek," the giant smiled shyly. He even rub his neck sheepishly. "I'm sorry to intrude your movie night, but Kyungsoo said I could come-" Baekhyun raised one of his eyebrows as he saw Kyungsoo noticeably elbowed the dentist, hardly, on his stomach, "-ouch and uh.. I bought fruits?"

"I didn't ask him to come. He _begged_ me to take his petty ass along," the petite grumpy said as he flopped on the couch like a boss. "You can kick him out now, I don't care,"

"I'm-,"

"It's okay. You can stay, Chanyeol," Baekhyun smiled genuinely to Chanyeol for the first time since he left their shared flat. Of course he can stay. Like it or not, Baekhyun kinda missed the tall dentist. And maybe, that long overdue conversation that they should have could happened tonight.. or not. Better not. Baekhyun didn't expect any drastic moment  tonight. He just humbly hope that the night will progress to be a better one instead of getting worse. _'It's impossible to be more awkward than this, isn't it?'_

 

The dinner went well, with Jongin and Kyungsoo dominating the topic on the table. It was just a simple dinner, they were ordering pizza and beers while having a Marvel movies marathon. It's a warm up before the End Game is out, next week. Kyungsoo, Sehun, and Jongin were discussing about how Wanda Maximoff's actually Magneto's daughter and how awesome if her siblings, Quicksilver and Polaris from The Gifted could join the Avengers too (except Quicksilver's already dead in this alternate universe), when Baekhyun suddenly yawned and leaned his head on Sehun's shoulder. It's an ordinary gesture for Baekhyun and Sehun since sometime ago to be honest, Kyungsoo and Jongin knew it too, but obviously Chanyeol didn't. The both of them were shocked when Chanyeol suddenly stood up from his place on the couch and dropped his peachy ass beside Baekhyun. It didn't miss Baekhyun's eyes when he's trying to rubbed his chest subtly as if willing for a pain to be gone.

"Why don't we play a game?" The dentist asked.

"What game?" Kyungsoo asked.

"Anything. Just so no one's sleepy in this room," Baekhyun frowned when he heard that but did nothing to fix his already comfortable position.

"You mean like poker, truth or dare or spin the bottle?" Jongin chirped from beside Kyungsoo.

"I can't play poker," Baekhyun commented.

"Spin the bottle then. Anything. Let's just play," Chanyeol said while softly patting his own chest once again. "I'll spin this bottle,"

The game started easily. All the dares were tame and fun. The spinning bottle stop and pointing at Jongin who was dared to eat two pizzas in 15 seconds, which he almost succeeded in, then to Kyungsoo who was dared to speak in Thanos' voice for 30 minutes. Chanyeol's next, when he dared to drink the whole water bottle in three seconds and he's succeed, what a lucky dumbass. As time goes by, the game was progressing to a more challenging ones. Such as buying a soap in the mini market downstairs, using the stairs, in 3 minutes. It's challenging because their apartment was on the fifth floor and the person should bring a handphone to record himself in the process.

Kyungsoo was the one who spinned the bottle, and it was Baekhyun who got pointed by the bottle.

"Baekhyun," Kyungsoo's words were a little bit slurring now. He's already downing about six cans of beers since the game started. "I want you to kiss someone next to you,"

Baekhyun was already on his third can. It's not that much compared to the others but he's always a lightweight drinker, so by now, he's probably almost as toxicated as Kyungsoo. He looked to his left, there's Chanyeol, his soulmate that he already loved for years, rubbing bis chest while sitting full of hope with his red plump lips. Then he looked to his right, to the owner of the broad shoulder where he snuggled his face and his hair on since before the game started, the person who smelled like mint and chocolate at the same time, who's looking back at him with his clear brown eyes, Sehun. Which one would he choose?

The petite artist mumbled 'fuck it' as he moved his body and straddling the long legs next to him. He scooted closer before closing his eyes, taking the face of the person, and attacked his lips. It was looked fierce at first, but Baekhyun was just a puppy himself who didn't know how to kissed someone. Soon, he needed air to breathed because he was holding it the whole time he's forcing his lips to that person. He was about to retreat when suddenly, a pair of huge hands were holding him still on his position. There are lips that came after his and initiated another kiss. This time, that person was the one who's leading him. It was slow at first, but it's moving in the perfect pace for Baekhyun. It didn't scare him but embracing him. The person took Baekhyun's hand and put it on his shoulder. Baekhyun's hands moved in the same rythym as their lips. He played with the person's face as the person played with his lips. He was coaxed to opened up his lips and soon after, a strong tongue invading his cavern. Baekhyun's fine though. Infact, he enjoyed it. He didn't know how long it was, but he's sure lost in the kiss. It's probably his real first kiss, and it's spectacular. Baekhyun was about to moaned when suddenly someone yanked him from the kiss.

"That's enough!" He heard Jongin's voice. He wet his lips to savour the taste of the kiss while opening his eyes and looked around blearily, trying to gather his mind after such a mindblowing kiss. Jongin dragged him from that person's lap and made him sat further from the rest. He blinked blankly for a minute before he could really grasped what happened around him. Sehun's face was red, his lips was swollen and he's rubbing his neck restlessly. Kyungsoo was there beside Chanyeol who was bending down while clutching his head and he looked so in pain. Then it was clicked. He was kissing Sehun and he's hurting Chanyeol.

Jongin's probably saw his widened eyes and shock striken face. He stood up and touched Kyungsoo's shoulder and gestured to Sehun with his head. "I think, it's time you guys should talk," and then the three of them went in to Baekhyun's bedroom, leaving the still confused Baekhyun and Chanyeol who's slowly back from the trance because of pain.

Baekhyun waited. He didn't say anything. Heck he didn't know what to say. He's not ready yet to talk and then this happened. He would kill Kyungsoo for making this even worse. If it's up to him, he'll kick all of them out and hide himself in his blanket. But Jongin beat his slow ass and left him alone with Chanyeol now. So he guessed, maybe the conversation that he feared the most, finally come to bit him in the ass. But first, he would wait until Chanyeol got up from his position. He knew how it felt. Soulmate seizure was never easy, especially if it happened right in front of his own eyes. Eventhough Baekhyun was just kissing, it didn't change the fact that he's being unfaithful, right in front of his soulmate's eyes nonetheless. So he would wait, until Chanyeol's on the right state to talk.

Except, Chanyeol never got up. He kept lying on the floor. Baekhyun's heart race when even after fifteen minutes, Chanyeol didn't move from the floor. He couldn't think, he just felt the worst, so he crawled to where Chanyeol was, because he couldn't afford to stand up and walk. But he need to be there beside Chanyeol asap. He forgot the headache that's threatening to come because of the alcohol. "Chanyeol? Hey Chanyeol?"

Chanyeol kept still. He didn't move but Baekhyun could hear a faint weeping, a soft sobbed, coming from the giant before him.

"Chanyeol?" Baekhyun reached out carefully. "Hey.. What's wrong?"

Chanyeol's trembling. He's still not answering but Baekhyun heard that he's crying.

"Chanyeol.. are you hurt? I'm sorry. Hey, please look at me," Baekhyun tried to make Chanyeol moved but the dentist didn't budge.

"No," he began, "It's me who had to apologized to you, Baekhyun. I couldn't move because I was ashamed. This is the first time I finally felt how you probably felt on daily basis. I'm sure it's nothing compared to your experiences, it's not even on the full force because what I did was far worse, I know and I'm sorry. I don't deserve you,"

"Chanyeol, get up please and let's talk,"

It takes Chanyeol 10 more minutes before he finally had the guts to sat up and face Baekhyun. The smaller one just got back from the kitchen and was sitting on the couch with two mugs of hot tea in hands. He pat the empty spot beside him, inviting the still sad dentist to come and sit beside him. Chanyeol stood up from his current place on the floor, wipped his tears and took one of the glass. He sat on the same couch, but with a respectful distance between them. They were both just enjoying the tea and each other's company for a while. Then Chanyeol took a deep breath,

"I'm sorry... for everything,"

"Chany-"

"Sehun-" Chanyeol cut him off, "Sehun seems like a good guy,"

Baekhyun nodded, agree because it was the truth. Maybe, this is Baekhyun's petty way of revenge, because he knew his next words would probably stab Chanyeol's heart, because admit it or not, he's still the soulmate, "Yes, he is. He's a mateless," Baekhyun realized there's nothing useful of that information except if Chanyeol took it as a subtle hint of possible relationship that could happened between Baekhyun and the young adonis in the future. It's just, Baekhyun didn't mention that Sehun and him is impossible because the young one was like a little brother to him and Sehun had an unbreakable principle that he wouldn't make a move to someone with a soulmate. Besides, he's already seeing someone from one of his 'mateless' groups, a chinese cute barista who works in a cafe near a hospital.

"That's- that's good," Chanyeol stuttered, he looked like he's forcing a smile. Chanyeol bit his lower lip, he probably was contemplating something inside, and finally decided to just let it out because either way it's still painful for him, "I- I did a lot of thinking when you're away. About what I've done, from the first time I met you, up to the day when you got sick of me and went away. I remembered how I was infatuated when I saw you in the class, sitting alone arranging things on your desk. That's why I sent Hyeran to talk to you, because I want to hear your voice but I was too afraid to approach you by myself. Maybe, I was enamored by you since then, I just didn't know it because I'm too dense. I'm oblivious to my own weird feeling.

To be honest, I couldn't stand it if I don't know your condition even for a day. That's why I messaged you through notes and letters before I finally had the guts to ask for your numbers. It's spiralling from there. I need you to be with me always. I don't know why, my stupid mind said maybe because you're a good hyung. Kyungsoo always teased me for being whipped about you, I know, but I never thought that I really did, crazy about you that is.

When I saw your soulmate sign, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think. I tried to think about your feelings, how did you felt all this time when I do those nasty things with someone else and what I put you through. You must be hurting, a lot. So I think of a way to make you stopped hurting, because when you're hurt, I'm hurting too. I couldn't stop blaming my self. Moreover when you went as far as trying to tear yourself because of me. I'm disgusted of myself, so when you rejected me the first time, I tried to understand it. When you left me, I tried to think that I deserved it.

But I would be lying if I said that I could live this life without you. So when something or someone up there made us met that day, I promised to myself that I will do my best to get you back. But guess I'm too late.."

Baekhyun chuckled bitterly, "Did you hear yourself? You sounded like an oblivious jerk. You can't live without me but you still do it nonetheless, fooling around with other people that is,"

"I know I'm a fool. I was too proud of myself and refuse the fate. Kris said it's humane for me to felt like that but then I realized that I'm just a fool. A jerk. Who scared that I won't get the one that I want as my soulmate,"

The smaller man scoffed, "And who is it that you want as a soulmate? Hyeran? Kris? Luhan? Or some random people? Did you find them yet?"

Chanyeol looked at him in disbelieved, sad, "You. It's you that I always want since the beginning. I'm sorry that it took you wounded and hurt beyond repair for me to finally realized it. I really don't deserve you,"

Baekhyun swore he almost lost it when he hear all those words. This is probably the first time when Chanyeol opened up himself completely to him. But there's only one thing left that he really wanted to hear. The most important thing of all, "So why are you telling me this now? I swear to God, if you said because we're soulmate once again, Chanyeol.. I-"

"Because I love you. I love you, Baekhyunnie."

"Wha-"

"Even though I never tell you all this time, you had my heart a long, long time ago,"

It's like a dream to finally hear those words. Is he dreaming now? Is it only his mind playing tricks on him? "Are you sure, Chanyeol?"

"I love you, Baekhyun.. with all my heart,"

"How can I trust you? You hurt me so bad to the point I loathe my soulmate sign and want it gone, to the point I don't want to have a soulmate and I wished to be born as a mateless instead. I don't- I don't think I can trust you with my heart, Chanyeol. Even if it's beating for you,"

Both of them cried, both of them holding hard to the tea mugs in their hands as if it could save them from the heart breaks, eyes never left each other.

"I understand, Baekhyun," Chanyeol said after a while. His eyes read with tears but it was looking at Baekhyun gently, "I wouldn't even dare to ask for a second chance to prove it to you, I have hurt you too much,"

"What if we just hurt each other forever, Chanyeol? What if we doesn't work out after all of this?"

Chanyeol hesitantly reaching out his free hand that didn't hold the mug, he carefully cup Baekhyun's cheek and wiped his tears, "To be honest we wouldn't know unless we tried, Baekhyunnie. I want to try for us if you let me. I can't promise you that our journey won't be rocky after this, but I can promise you that I will be by your side along the way."

Baekhyun didn't have to hear anything else. That was the perfect answer that he needed to hear all this time. It's not the most romantic and flowery words ever, with big promises that hard to keep or something. They both scared, but they promised to be together to face whatever happened in the future. 11 years of waiting was probably worth it. He didn't realize when they started scooting nearer to each other, the next thing he knew, Chanyeol's gorgeous face was already in front of him, his breath fanning Baekhyun's lips, but he did nothing to close the gap. Baekhyun guessed, it's up to him to take the rest of the journey or not. He closed his eyes, completely forgetting that they both were still holding mugs, and when their lips touched, it felt magical. 

 

_"I love you, Baekhyunnie,"_

_"I love you too, Chanyeollie,"_

 

..........................................

 

 

They slept on the couch together that night, talking some more and cuddling. They both agree to take it slow even though they waited so long for each other. They have the rest of their time to learn more about each other and grow old together. All their friends were walking out of the bedroom in the morning only to see both of them smiling in their sleep.

 

"Finally," Kyungsoo scoffed. "I can't believe we were stuck in that small room all night just to let this dumbasses talking till morning. If they don't fucking yet the next time we meet, I'm gonna locked them up in my school janitor closet I swear to god,"

 

 

To be honest, Kyungsoo didn't have to worry about it. Because Chanyeol was more than determined to redeemed his wrong doings by loving Baekhyun and every inch of him with his soul for the rest of their life. Rest assure, Baekhyun's scars and soulmate sign were now the part that both of them love the most.

 

 

 

 

 

_In case you didn't know_

_Baby I'm crazy 'bout you_ \- Brett Young

 

.....................................

 

 

 ** _When wounds are healed by love, the scars are beautiful_** -David Bowles

 

 

..............................

..............................

 


End file.
